John Cassavetes' Opening Night is tonight, but mine is tomorrow...

Today was a shitty day, but now that I'm home with my laptop and movies, I think I'm settled. I won't go into the specifics regarding my day, but it was a domino effect where everything piled onto the next creating more tension. Most of it exists in my neck since I twisted it again yesterday during rehearsal. I've just decided to ignore pain and move on... at least until after HELL WEEK!

I get really nervous when a performance nears. Most people handle it okay, but I'm somewhat terrified. There's something incredibly frighteningly reckless about going out in front of many people and perform. I think about the actor I am off the stage and it scares me. Everyone acts differently when they off their "stage." You get to a point where acting interferes with living. But I guess it's something no one can control. I have been really stressed out lately and try to hide it. Some of the time it slips out, but most of the time I hide it in, which is really bad for me, but I don't know what else to do.

I love real-life struggles in people. Maybe it's about seeing something and thinking, "yeah, I can see that happening" that really makes a great struggle. I came home and found this clip from John Cassavetes' "Opening Night" and love it a lot. It's a great scene with Cassavetes' usual Ben Gazarra and Zohra Lampert caught in a struggle with their marriage. It's such a great scene that shows how some people really have layers upon layers of feelings. Whether they're feelings of remorse, selfishness, love or loneliness, they're overall still feelings. The two actors do a great job conveying a sense of realism with their emotions. In difficult situations sometimes people can be so confused that laughter can bring them back to reality, but sometimes getting back to a harsh reality is troubling. Just watch the clip. It's great. What's your take on Cassavetes? Hah.