First of all, this vacation is seeming like a long time. That should be a good thing, but I've gradually become used to everything. I've managed to fit inside the gaps of routine. What I thought was just taking a good few weeks of vacation has turned into living here for a while. That while has a good bit more to go as well. By the time I go to the Bahamas, I'm going to feel beat. The good part is that once I return, I don't have to go back to school straight away, since I put off the Summer semester to the Fall. But I'm missing McDonough, and I'm missing Amy and Ma and Fitz. Honestly, Amy went back at the perfect time. Vacation should be no longer than one week. Anything longer than that is a momentary stay. I think the importance of vacation has worn off. I've gotten to the point where I wake up and feel lazy. Most will claim that as a definition of vacation, but I want to get up and get going. Maybe it's just because I haven't done much that I have this necessity for something.

The main reason I'm writing again is because I've been pondering on something all day. This is when you know nothing occurs. I think the more I think, the more I slowly grow closer to insanity. Holding things in never is a good idea. At least that's what many tell me. There are some things that just have to get out. Anyways, a few days ago mom was talking about how liberal dad used to be. And the fact that when they lived at an old church in Brooks, GA, he did a funeral for a gentlemen who happened to have been gay, and the church demanded that dad should not do the funeral, but he went on and did it anyway. This is the guy who went to see REM and Boy George with my mom, and now is a right-wing, southerner who doesn't agree with gay marriage. I couldn't imagine such a shift in ideology. But then I go back and remember how depressed he was when mom left him. I wonder if literally her leaving him triggered an effect to change everything. Maybe the very thought of the person he was reminded himself of her, and he needed to get as far away from that as possible. It's sad that she left him for another women and thus "doesn't agree" with gay marriage. Of course, I'm focusing on dad, but mom didn't do anything wrong, according to her wants and desires. She happened to have favored something else, and it wasn't him. But just the torment dad must have gone through in thinking that he couldn't satisfy her just makes me really sad. That even probably has instilled paranoia in me for the rest of my life. But really in any case, if a child has to endure the pain and suffering of any parent, won't that child be in fear of going through the same thing? If a husband cheats on the wife, that child, female or male, will worry as far as infidelity is concerned regarding men. Of course I'm thinking about this too much, which comes out irrational, but sometimes I just cannot keep it in.

I'm going to work on my screenplay some more.

Beach Pictures

Florida Pictures

So, after my awful meltdown the other night, I decided to think positive and slowly grew happier again. I owe most of my thanks to the rehabilitation of walking around and taking pictures. The pictures below of clouds were taken the same day of my bad night, probably one of the causes that brought it on. Bad weather makes me feel bad. It's weird. I'm weird.

I call this picture Freud, see if you can spot why.

Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin: A Terrible Night.

Tonight seems like a film caught in the reel, where the same image continues showing over and over again. The only problem is the film being shown is terrible. Relating this with tonight's debacle might not make any sense, but I want to try and get it out of my head. The night started with me feeling sick again. For some reason I felt the tightening in my throat like before. Tonight I gagged twice. I suffered with the worrisome thought of getting sick for about an hour. I tried keeping myself occupied by turning on the TV, and it helped a little, but then I couldn't stop worrying. I turned on "The Dreamers" and I think that is what got my mind off of getting sick. I then began trying to come up with ideas in my head that could develop into short film ideas. With the ongoing movie, I remembered how great Bertollucci uses film history as a device to further excitement in the film. There's is a debate between Michael Pitt and Luis Garrel about whether Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin was better. I was fascinated by the film history brought up, and the recreation of various scenes from classics that I still have not seen. It seemed like it was all coming together within the film. And then I felt satisfied. Although, I wanted more. I felt like Dreamers began a search within me to find more. I felt like I wanted to study all that is film at that moment. There's a brief clip in Dreamers where the three characters go to the cinema to watch Sam Fuller's "Shock Corridor." I searched through Drew's collection and found the movie. I began watching the movie, but then I wanted more, so I opened up Drew's Janus collection and took out a documentary titled, "The Great Chase." It was a documentary about the great chases in cinema. It began with Edwin S. Porter's "The Great Train Robbery" and transitioned to D.W. Griffith's... I cannot remember the title, but it's like a noir-like atmosphere where a women is captured by two men on a railroad car. It gave me an idea for a short, but I, being too lazy didn't write it down. It stayed in my head and bothered me to the point where I couldn't enjoy the documentary any longer, so I stopped the film, came to the computer and pulled up Howard Hawks' "Scarface" the 1931 version. I watched about the first two minutes and paused it. Then I went back to the living room where "The Great Chase" was playing, turned it off and finished watching "Cube 2" which I started earlier today. It was horrible. Then I thought why should I make films? What difference does it make if I come up with an idea? Tonight has been such a frustrating evening. Is it truly pointless to have a debate whether Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin was better? I just feel like tonight has been a complete waste. I'm feeling better, but I feel like my illness spawned the bad night. And there might be a possibility that it could spoil many others. The illness makes me unhappy, and made watching movies, the thing I love, stagnant. The fact I couldn't get through even one film makes me frustratingly unhappy. It's like I cannot concentrate. I want to be happy, but so many things are far out of control. Maybe it's because I try to control, and that is what stagnates the situation. So many things are out of control that trying to dominate the situation either drives everything else away, or makes the situation go nowhere to the point that frustration occurs. By controlling myself not to feel sick, I'm bringing it up furthering a tiresome struggle to stay in control of my body. By controlling outside situations in making decisions, I'm bringing difficult matters up, which bring forth the harshness of life and the suffering I'm causing because of my own arrogance. Everything finds a way of working out. That's what I've always been told, but life is full of happy and unhappy people. It's to the point where one day, you have to fall in one category. Maybe days are established by this process, and I'm just having an unhappy night. I don't know. My thought process has been difficult. Although, when is my thought process easy-going. Maybe the way thought occur are used to create tension. And tension is what arises in films to create more incidents. So, my bad night is just another situation in one of the films I've tried watching and have been reluctant to finish. Actually the only one I've finished was terrible, and that set up the basis for the rest of my night. I feel like I have to finish a good movie in order to fix my terrible night. It's stupid of me to complain about a terrible night, when others are starving. That's a real terrible night. Tonight I also skimmed through channels on the TV and came across a news program discussing how the suntan lotion I wear on the beach, bleaches the water and is carried through the ocean and kills the coral reefs. By applying suntan lotion, which prevents me from burning up and suffering in agony, I cause agony for a dying reef. My happiness, therefore creates unhappiness. This is just en endless cycle of choosing to be happy or unhappy. So, why should there be a debate whether Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin is better? It's already midnight, and I haven't finished watching anything that has made me feel good. I shouldn't care about this, but by doing so I'm trying to control again. This must be what insanity feels like. I just need to not care more. But I enjoy caring. It makes me happy. I'm repeating my famous words again, "I just don't know." I seems as if I've tried to find the secret of film (which there is none), solve my thought process, and waste my night away by thinking about issues I cannot solve tonight and probably ever. Why does life have to be so confusing? I don't know how to end this post. Sometimes, I truly wonder how people put up with me, and it worries me. Although it could be possible that it's late, I'm tired, and I'm thinking, which usually ends in a disaster. I'm not going to watch anything tonight. I'm going to my bed, covering up and saying goodbye and goodnight to a terrible evening.

Universal Pictures!

The Roman arches!


Look! not that many people!


Me, chilling in the Creature room.


Amy (right), me (left) on the Mummy Ride. Look at the kid behind me!


A scenic view of many buildings. I love this area!

Look! Not many people again!

What do they have in there, King Kong?

Amy in Toon Lagoon.

Waiting in line for the Dudley Dooright ride. Amy pointed out that it looks like hell.

Just pretty.

I love how you can see the panting on the studio wall itself.


Amy and me on the Mummy Ride again.


Mel's Drive-in


The Horror Make Up Show


The Make Up Show.


Across the Bay.


Amy in front of the Universal ball.


Me in front of the Universal ball.


A bunch of cool cars in front of Mel's.


Me and Amy looking through a crazy mirror.


Amy and myself next to Jaws. "Smile and say 'sequal!'"


Another Universal shot.


Accccccid!


The view outside our hotel window.


Another view outside our hotel window. Amy likes the different colors in the water.

Florida Trip (Actually that's kind of a lot!)

THURSDAY: Amelia arrived at my house at 4:45 AM last Thursday. We made it to Dunkin' Doughnuts by 5 and were on I-75 heading south by 5:05. I ate my Bismark, Amy munched on her chocolate glazed doughnut and we occasionally sipped our iced coffees. Our first stop was in some little trashy town. The reason why we ventured off the exit was the first bathroom break. Sadly, it was ten minutes until 6, so the McDonalds was unavailable for restroom facilities. Instead, Amy and myself walked down to the big hotel, where I hoped a "public" restroom would be for our use, but again, nothing. Finally we decided to stop in the Waffle House, where a large group of workers in blue shirts gathered. I made a joke about being happy I hadn't wore my blue shirt that day and we merged back on 75. I talked for a LONG while about HBO's late show called "In Treatment" and a lot of time flew by without suffering, at least I hope not for the driver. As we came to south Georgia (towns I really didn't care about logging into memory), I put in the Florida Mix CD that I had made for our trip. Amy favored a particular song titled "The One to Blame" by Anna Terheim. Every other song on the CD was a track by Lewis Black from "The White Album" and that brought many laughs along the way. After many jokes about the weather, drugs, and Miami, we stopped for lunch and another bathroom break at a Cracker Barrel. Amy ordered pancakes and I had French Toast - both of which had enough grease to kill a fetus. After filling up on food, we needed to fill up on gas. Amy swerved the car around a cool intersection and we pulled into the gas station, where she pumped for gas and I watched her work off the energy from the food. She ran far down to a payphone and back. We shook the gas hose ten times and got back on the road. After making good timing, we finally hit bad traffic around a town called "Barney." I only know the name of the town, because we had to look at the fucking interstate sign for a whole hour. Yes, traffic stopped for a long while, and we were forced to merge off the interstate and ride a scenic few miles on HWY 41. While stuck in traffic, Amy and I played with a yo-yo out the window, and watched cars and people through binoculars like voyeurs. Once the stress wore off from the vast traffic, we merged back onto 75 and hit the map for directions. We arrived in a town somewhere in Florida and needed another restroom facility. We pulled off an exit with nothing but one gas station. The sign on the unleaded sign read "4.07!" While having such disgust for a high amount, we peed and rushed back on the road. I believe the next stop was Melbourne Florida - our destination. We brought our luggage in and Amy decided to nap, while I fiddled around the house. We laid around the living room and I introduced Amy to some funny Family Guy episodes. "Oooh, that dog of mine!" We had many great laughs and Drew came home from school with a "cool" attitude about school. We all continued to watch Family Guy and relax until Mom came home. That night, we all dined with my grandmother, Nanoo, at the City Tropic Bistro. Amy had tasty black beans and rice soup and I ate the veggie wrap. We shared the meals every other bite. That night, we arrived home and decided to call it a night early.

NEXT DAY: Amy and I awoke around early-afternoon time, ate breakfast, showered and drove to the beach. The beach was excellent. I didn't think anyone could find complete happiness while being thrown around waves. Amy and I were pushed kind of far compared to where our towels and clothes originally were originally placed. We roughly fought through the waves and made our way past our clothes and towels, so that we'd flow back to the right place. After an exhausting attempt to make it back to shore, which took forever, we laid on our towels and tanned. The both of us found complete relaxation on the beach. Amy, like the caring person she really is, was concerned about me burning and frequently asked me if I wanted her to apply more sunscreen on by back. We tranquilly laid there for obviously more than 30 minutes, because when the two of us walked back to the car, a ticket sat under the windshield wiper, gradually flapping in the wind. After such a great time at the beach, we worked up a hunger for a great lunch. We made our way to the Publix and bought many greaceries (great groceries). Among the many items were ingredients to assemble tasty wraps. After getting back to the house, I took a shower and Amy shook more sand our of her clothes. We made egg, humus, baby Swiss, and Spinach lettuce wraps. We ate the wraps with Cape Cod Barbecue chips and watched Danny Boyle's "Shallow Grave" and LOVED IT! We rested around that evening and went to Barnes and Noble, where she bought a book on Chemistry (which I said impresses me, but really doesn't, because she's truly smart and loves tough challenges). We came back and took a nap. After waking, Amy got me to watch the "Perverts Guide to Cinema." It is really amazing! We came close to watching it all, but was interrupted with a hunger for dinner. While hit with a sudden lack to make any decisions, we went in search for a great sushi restaurant. After a lot of searching due to my lack of direction following, we decided to eat at some random Japanese place. (By the way, if anyone wants to know what I want for Christmas, it's a GPS device, so I can't get lost anymore. Just getting that out there). After putting our names on the list, we suddenly decided to ditch the place and run out to the car. On our way back while looking for another place to eat, we found the sushi place from the directions. We both had really great sushi! Amy's seaweed salad was probably the best out of the entire meal. She was craving good seaweed salad back at the house, which led us to the sushi decision. After dinner, we headed over to the A.B.C. Liquor store, where I bought a case of Jack Daniels' lemonade that the man wouldn't sell me, because Amy came into the store with me and was not 21. While understanding the store policy, we were still pretty pissed off. I took us down a back road that unexpectingly got us back on the main road, where we pulled into a Discount Beverage. A young woman approached our window and asked for a ride down to the BP. Normally she wouldn't have asked and if by myself, I normally wouldn't have agreed, but since Amy was also in the car and since Amy and I didn't feel like killing this particular girl, we gave her a ride to the BP. While on the way, Amy made a joke about us killing the woman and it was really funny. She mentioned that 100 dollars were stolen from her and her cell phone was dead. After dropping her off and creating many situations regarding her, we headed back to the Discount Beverage, where I bought a six pack of Smirnoff and Jack Daniels' Lemonade. That night, we saw John August's directorial debut "The Nines." Not sure if it's a good movie to mix with alcohol. Amy and I tore up the lemonade and by the time we finished "The Nines" we were so greatly confused by the movie. It was really great! We then went to bed.

DAY 3: Amy cutely woke me up and while she ate fruit for breakfast, I decided to eat a Boston Creme roll. It was Drew's birthday, so we told him "happy birthday" that morning. This afternoon, we decided to just lay around. After a while, we headed out to Barnes and Noble again, where I bought the new book from Chuck Palahniuk called "Rant" and Amy bought this really cool game for me called "Alibi." Sadly, we didn't have enough time to play Alibi. Amy bought an iced Caramel Maciatto, and I bought a hot one. We arrived back at the house around lunch time, so we ate wraps again. Drew so diligently worked on writing his final paper for his film class on Danny Boyle. Amy didn't have the rest of her drink, so I acted like I got Drew a hot one, which was mine and I downed Amy's drink. While I heated the pan, Nanoo came in and was surprised with intent, so we cooked her a wrap as well. Amy, Nanoo and myself ate at the dining room table, where I fed their dog, Doogie, scraps from my wrap. Nanoo left, and so it was time that I helped mom get some things at Home Depot. First, mom and I ventured off to Barnes and Noble, where I bought Amy a laprest for her Macbook (it fits and matches perfectly), drew a birthday car, and picked out a Bob Dylan guitar songbook for mom to give to Drew. From there, we drove to Home Depot, where I exhaustingly lifted four heavy bags of salt and four bags of soil for my mom. I convinced her also to purchase a small lawn gnome for Drew's birthday present. We also stopped at a gas station, where I bought 18 scratch-off lottery tickets for Drew's 18th birthday. We arrived home and helped unload the large amount of stuff. After doing so, I surprised Amy with the lapdesk, and Drew with the gnome. Amy really loved the lapdesk. I hopped into the shower, but when I got out, I started feeling sick to my stomach and jittery. I laid down and decided not to go to Drew's birthday party for the fear I might get sick, and if I got sick, I wanted to be at home. Amy decided to stay home as well and took good care of me. One of the things she mentioned was that she typically is the type of person who gets freaked out by sick people, but I only saw her as a loving person giving me aid. I thanked her for taking such good care of me and she responded, "It's easy. Anytime I ask if you need anything, you just say nothing, and so I don't have to do anything." That night, I felt better and watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I had trouble sleeping, so I took a Tylenol PM and fell asleep while reading Andrew Sarris.

DAY FOUR: Amy and I woke up around 9:00 and hit the road to Universal Studios. we stopped at a Target, where I bought another bathing suit for Amy. It was kind of awkward for the both of us. Okay, more for her than me. After getting Starbucks in our systems, we shot off to Orlando. We arrived at Universal around 12:00, parked for $11, and walked a little ways before noticing that I had left the tickets in the car. After that minor setback by muah, we walked through the great arches of Universal and were in a world of fantasy. The first thing we did was Terminator. They showed us a video about industry taking humans into the new world of technology. Amy pointed out the irony in Universal itself being a corporation partaking in the same ideas described in the video. The 3-D show was really cool! After that, we walked down the recreated Sunset Boulevard and looked around for a bathroom. We passed this Villa-looking place that looked like the courtyard in Mulholland Drive and discussed how cool it would be to live in it. We found a bathroom and walked over to the Jaws area, where yes, we rode Jaws. I was "lucky" enough to get the seat on the front right where Jaws approaches the boat once in the the progress of the ride. Jaws is a great ride for being about 25 years old. I forgot how the boat itself tilts towards Jaws. One particular part, I jumped in the air and Amy pointed out later how scared I was and only from barrels of water falling. After that, we walked around some more and worked up an appetite, so we ate in the "Monster Cafe." The entire restaurant was filled with monster paraphernalia, pictures, props, you name it, it was on the walls. Amy had the cheese pizza and I got some pasta dish. If only the food was as cool at the restaurant itself. After digesting the large quantities of grease brought on by the food, we needed something to cool us off, so Amy treated us to Dippin Dots. We ate them back in the Monster Cafe, so we could enjoy to cool air some more. While eating, I played with a little girl, but she didn't notice. Although, her grandfather didn't think it was too funny. He gave me the most disgusted look I have ever seen. Amy joked about it, but I tried remaining inconspicuous. It was even funnier to her than to me, because she was having a lot of fun with it. We then went on Mummy the ride. At first, we tried to ride it with Amy's bag, but the guy wouldn't let us on, so instead of paying money to rent a locker and give Universal anymore money than we want to, we hid the bag behind a door and picked it up when we got off. Probably the best we rode on! It's a roller coaster/ terror ride. Most of the ride took place in the dark, and you go in the Mummy's mouth and there's a lot of lit smoke and fire, especially towards the end, where the ceiling becomes ablaze and it gets really hot. The ride was so great, we rode it again! We eventually found out that through a really technically advanced fingerprinting device, we could put our bags in the locker free for an hour. But after the Mummy ride, my neck was really tense. I guessed it was from gripping on tight onto he ride and getting sort of whiplash. After that, we "rode" Disaster. This was a unique addition to the already established Earthquake ride. We got to see Christopher Walken act really cool. After that, we walked around some more and saw that the Horror Makeup Show had a 5:30 showtime and at that time it was 5:00, so we rode the Jimmy Neutron ride and made it back in fifteen minutes. The Horror Makeup show was amazing! The host and the makeup expert were phenomenal. There were so many jokes thrown that we laughed so hard. I noticed that in the corner of a table was a picture containing the gentlemen and from what I could tell with a good bit of distance looked like the gentlemen with Tom Savini in the middle. During the show, they displayed a cutting trick, with the mention to the creator Tom Savini. After the show, it was about closing time and so we rode the Men in Black Alien Attack. It was fun to shoot a bunch of aliens and have a lot of fun. Once we got off, the park began closing. We made our way out and all the way to the car. We drove to the hotel that Jan got us reservations. I pulled up to the check in area and walked in. The guy pulled our reservations up and gave us welcome cookies that just so happened to be Ghiradelli chocolate cookies. Amy and I walked into the room and were amazed. Not only was the room on the 15th floor (out of 17), but the room contained a flatscreen TV, fridge, pillows that read "Sweet Dreams," and a view to kill for. We were in heaven, but verrry hungry! So, we went looking for food. At first, we stopped at a Walgreens to get "snack-like" foods, but they didn't have exactly what we wanted, so we drove for a while and found a great little Italian pizza place. Amy ordered and bought a four cheese pizza from a guy she claimed probably had a fake accent. We walked outside and thus began our lovely obsession with the song "Debaser" by the Pixies. We crazily sang along. I bought us drinks and snacks at some gas station. When we placed our items (Dr. Pepper, Powerade, Butterfinger, and a Scor bar) by the register the clerk asked, "Is this all?" probably only seeing her stuff. Amy comically responded, "Actually that's kind of a lot." I looked over at her and held my laughter in as best as I could. She claimed that the guy let out a tiny smile, but when we got out of the gas station, we busted out laughing hard. Back in the car, we blazed Debaser again, singing loudly. Our pizza was ready and we took it up to the hotel room, where we saw Knocked Up for the fourth time and ate the pizza. Amy ate her pizza on one of the hotel wash clothes. We laughed loudly and didn't worry about the neighbors getting upset. There was one last pizza left, and so Amy and I split it. I began eating my piece and Amy finished hers. I wondered how she could have finished hers when I was just starting mine. Then, she informed me that she only broke off a small piece. We laughed at that as well. The day began catching up to us and we grew tired during the movie and fell asleep.

DAY FIVE: The LOUD alarm woke us at 7:00, thus began our full day of "adventure." My neck was feeling better and so we showered, packed up and headed down for the breakfast Jan also paid for. The breakfast buffet that sounded like something you would find at a Days Inn ended up being something you would eat in a castle. Amy literally was in heaven. I didn't eat much, but drank about two cups of coffee. Amy pigged out on the bar and ate eggs, grits, a BIG waffle, fruit and a banana, which she ate on our walk to Universal. We finished breakfast and yes, instead of driving, we walked across the intersection to Universal. It was a powerful walk. Amy and I discussed many deep things and solved an issue before arriving at the Universal gate, which makes every bad feeling go away. We made sure to get there just as it was opening and that is what we did. The first thing we did was go on the newly developed Simpsons' ride. That was really neat. Amy and I, while in a pretty short line, discussed my story idea regarding working in Universal or should I say "Utopial." The ride was funny and cool all at the same time. After that, we needed someone to take our picture inside Jaws' mouth. A man, I think was from England, asked me to take a picture with he and his assumed wife or girlfriend. Upon giving me the camera he said, "Cheers." And afterwards he said, "Cheerio." We got him to take one of Amy and myself next to Jaws also. Next, we rode the Mummy ride two more times. Come on, you cannot resist it! After that, we were ready for Islands of Adventure! The two of us exited the part and walked across the bridge to the park. Upon entering, we ran straight into Dr. Seuseland. We rode the Cat in the Hat ride, with no wait AT ALL. It was okay. Something fun and entertaining, but Amy wanted to see dinosaurs, so we went onward. We came across the next area, which was like a Medieval area. We got in line to ride the "Dueling Dragons" roller coaster. After walking through a line of ten minutes that was supposed to be for the wait in line, we finally reached and road the ride. After we got off, my neck began hurting badly again. I worried about ruining Jurassic Park for Amy, but sucked it up the best I could and we rode the Jurassic Park River Adventure, which was EXCELLENT! Amy remarked how cool it was how unexpected the raptors could jump out, and that we're supposed to one way, but makes us go another. She also mentioned how climactic the T-Rex is. We were in the front, so it was pretty scary, and then we DROP! We were a little wet from the ride, but then we headed towards Toon Lagoon. We saw that the Dudley Dooright log ride only had a wait of 10 minutes. We then not only got in line for the ride, but also eternity. While standing for a LONG period of time in a CRAMPED space and DARK lighting on us, STUPID kids decided to act like assholes and play around with us, cut in line and SMELL. we literally waited miserably in line for more then thirty minutes. The ride was really cool. We became SOAKED! I mean SOAKED! I wanted to kill the moron who decided to put the mist fans in the area of the park with the water rides. I then developed my top 5 list of things that make me go insane at a theme park. I originally created a top 10 list, but I can only remember 5 now. Here they are:
1) Kids who cut in line.
2) Groups of people who come to a theme park with matching shirts.
3) Fat people who walk slow.
4) Kids.
5) Kids.
After that, we walked around a little bit more and finally rode the Hulk. This ride has been on many top 5 lists of the greatest coasters of all time. The only list its making from Amy and myself is the top 10 coasters that make your head and back hurt worse. It was okay, but not something to go on if you don't want to hurt. After that, the line for Spiderman had died down, so we jumped in line, where we saw Toby from the Office. Not really, but a guy who looked just like him. Spiderman the ride was really intense, surreal and appealing to the eye. The use of lighting really was awesome, but what wins the medal is making it look like you're going up and feeling like your going up. It had everything the Simpsons was and more. We were beat after that, and it started dripping. We decided to call it a day and head on back. We walked back to the car, which seemed a lot longer going back then to the park. On the way, Amy found the utter most entertainment watching lizards come out and run back when we'd pass. We got back to the car and it began raining more. The drive home took practically two hours. Painful two hours. My neck was killing me, Amy's head was killing her, my feet were killing me and I wanted to kill every car that cut in front of me. Amy saw how eggs sticking to the pan and people cutting me off in traffic reallllly makes me angry. After receiving "directions" to get home, we took so many wrong way turns that getting back took twice as long. Once we did get back, we crashed inside! I began feeling sick again and even gagged hard outside and curled up next to the large trashcan. Amy took care of me again and I started feeling better. Amy helped me figure a number of excuses it could be. While Amy filled up her car, I made her the entire Anna Terheim CD and another mixed one. When I walked by her room, I noticed she was laying on her bed tired. I sat next to her and tickled her back for a while, and then we watched a movie called "Murder Party." It was GREAT! It was SICK! It was ART! The perfect nightcap, and sendoff for Amy.

TODAY: Amy woke up this morning at 4:00, kissed me goodbye and got on the road. I received a call from her a few hours ago and she was making EXCELLENT timing. I'm glad she could enjoy the ride home by herself. I know that's what she wanted and am glad to see her happy doing what she likes. I'm not sitting at the computer doing nothing. I've managed to log everything we have done together the past few days. I had such a great time with her. I always have the best time with her. It sure is going to be different without her here. We should try setting up our next vacation. That's it for now!

In lieu of Mother's Day, I thought I'd post the "Ma Mere" trailer. I love this film and have recently been informed of IFC showing this tonight. Yay for incest!!!

I commited nerdery....

I am so beat from working this weekend. This morning, while I was sleeping in my comfortable bed, I received a disasterous phone call at 7:00 asking me if I would come into work earlier than my 10:00 scheduled time. I agreed to, but I have a bad tendency of agreeing to whatever the circumstances are if I'm woken up by a ringing phone. I have to have my wake up time and for the love of god, a person needs their morning cup of coffee. I actually love it when a certain person calls me and wakes me up. It's just as refreshing if not more than that cup of coffee.

And so work really put a hit on me. The good news is that I've been able to make quite a bit of money unintentionally. This way I can buy more things in Orlando. The selection of films at the Virgin Record Store is enough to turn any film buff on. In a related subject, this semester, someone called me a "film nerd." Of course this was fromsomeone who carries joy in sining along to mindless Broadway musicals like "Wicked" and "Legally Blonde the musical." But still, I find it insulting that my passion can be summarized in any form of nerdery. But then, I shouldn't care, because if it is what I like, then I shouldn't care about what anyone says. This conversation will evolve into a debate next semester when this person attempts to cite real cinema as "Mamma Mia!" Oh well, time to get back on track. Going to Universal will be a passionate rivival for me. Like I have boasted many times, it was Universal Studios where I visited and felt the true feelings of becoming a filmmaker. There is no way to describe the feeling of seeing Jaws' fin emerge from the water, King Kong's hand reaching out: the size of a bus, and seeing a 3D 35mm print of the murder scene in "Dial 'M' For Murder" which juxtaposes into the birds cutting through the screen and flying out in front of you. I'm including the video in this entry mainly because the Alfred Hitchcock exhibit was closed down to make room for Shrek 4-D. Fucking executive bastards. Maybe I should create my own production company and take a few business classes. Or maybe keep rejecting the system and keep making movies for myself. Sounds good to me. Here's the clip. The clip contains a nine minute, well cut, montauge of Hitchcock's films AND if you want to just see the birds attack, scroll to 8:35. It's awesome!



While at work yesterday, my grandmother announced my long awaited package has come. Sadly, no, it's not my Panasonic DVX cam, but something also great. It's the Warner Gangsters Collection Vol. 3. The set contains six gangster films that were released by Fox in between 1931 and 1940. One of which, "Lady Killer" has been an underrated Cagney film that has a rather contraversial scene that makes "The Public Enemy" grapefruit scene seem like Cloverfield (that by the way is insulting Cloverfield). In fact, I will have to stop blogging in order to go watch the film. There are also four retrospective reels digitally transferred to the special features section. I remember "The Roaring Twenties" special features contained film criticism from many scholars including two of my favorites: Martin Scorsese and Andrew Sarris. Hopefully they will be featured alongside many others that I can be introduced to and further read on. Well, that's all for tonight. Have a Happy Mother's Day. I know I will, because my father has purchased a wide flatscreen HD TV for my grandmother, whom I live with and can also enjoy. I meant her, not the TV.

So last night, I had a dream. It was a murder mystery/whodunnit sort mixed with horror. By morning, I tried conjuring up the dream in its entirety, but only just the gist came to me. And so, today at work, I developed a whodunnit script idea. After a while I gradually became fed up with it AND the main problem: falling through too many loopholes haunted me. I can honestly see myself attempting a murder mystery again in the future. It's seriously one of my favorite genre's! But it seems every killer is either predictable, or so unbelievably unpredictable that by the unveiling of the killer, which is usually suspensful, just seems like another inciting event. There's a chemistry to writing, period, but it's almost mathematical to write a good murder mystery. If I did try writing one, I'd start with the killer, and work my way out of loopholes. Almost think like the killer. As if I were inviting several guests to an isolated castle and made plans to kill my guests off one by one. So the question is how would I go about doing so? Writing a whodunnit requires the writer killing off characters literally. Oh well, I just don't feel it anymore... today at least.

On a closely related subject, well actually the same subject, just a different paragraph, I came home with the desire to watch a good whodunnit. So, I found "Ten Little Indians" broken up into ten minute segments on Youtube. It's so cool being able to watch a full length movie online and not have to pay for. I will say that it's a shame the filmmakers aren't being compensated, but it does allow me to view some material that I wouldn't be able to view possibly ever. Take for instance an ancient Stanley Kubrick film I stumbled upon. This film is hidden away in a vault somewhere. The fact I can see it online not only gives me pleasure being able to see it, but the fact that it's a lost treasure and the access is right there in front of me is unbelievably great. Not to mention, so many silent films are not in public domain that they're begging to be watched. I caught an F.W. Murnau short and Jean Cocteau's first feature "Blood of a Poet." I once heard a fact that so many of the films existing day, out of all of them, only like 50-100 will be accessible in 50 years. It's scary to think about this, but it's even scarier thinking about all of the non 100 that existed 50 years ago or further back to 100 years ago. It's interesting that plays have managed to survive over time, but film manages to dissolve. It has a lot to do with chemicals, but if more people donated to film preservation, then more films would survive this "plague" of deconstruction. I read that chemicals in celluloid have been known to be of a nitrogen base, so many libraries of film have caught fire do to the mixture. Wow, I feel like a nerd now.

Back to the track, I watched "Ten Little Indians" on Youtube tonight hoping it would spring my re-interest in whodunnits, but it didn't. Once again, another Hollywood ending just like the 1930's version of "And Then There Were None." Last survivor shoots man, the killer is revealed, informs the last survivor of the only exit is suicide, but man comes back in and saves the day. It makes me sick. I can't believe that rich moguls sat on beds of cash, because they'd rather end with happiness that doesn't exist rather than reality. What am I saying, it's still going on today. It think it's about time to alter the studio system. I read an article that discussed fortune 500 companies giving loans to studio filmmakers. One of the filmmakers on the list was Todd Field, who created such masterpieces as "In the Bedroom" and "Little Children." I don't know what to think of this. I mean, to be a Hollywood director, you pretty much have to submit control of your creativity and yourself to the studios. But why? We went over someone in British Lit. who said that art needs to reevaluate itself every so many years. I think it was Blake. I don't know. Now that we've emerged into the "Post-Post-Modern" era, I think it's time. But you need money to make a film. This isn't entirely true, but to a certain level. Buster Keaton set up a camera, walked into the picture and acted. Same with Orson Welles, at first. John Cassavetes ran through the streets of New York with his actors. How is it that film is so difficult? Maybe it's just challenging. And I mean challenging in a positive way. If it wasn't challenging, then wouldn't I not have made many films by now? The challenge is truly the fun part... maybe. Who knows. I'll know later.

I did have a major breakthrough movie idea wise. I had an idea for a short, and jotted down some things, and eventually began writing out a scenario. It's a silent short. I plan to shoot it when my camera gets here... if not earlier. I just felt a surge of emotions. I kept hearing what Bret Wood said when he told me to write about what I like and myself. Not literally, but on a mentally penetrating level, where by experimenting with film, I'm psychoanalyzing. I have been toying around with an idea regarding dreams, and the unconscious, so here's my chance. I've written two character so far, and maybe I'll add in one or maybe two more. I want to keep it as simple as Jerry Bruckheimer. But I'm all drained out now. Time to go dream and develop more ideas.

Today, I bought Amy and myself the Universal Studios tickets. I sure am excited to be going to a film studio, when I myself am an anti-studio man. Although, if it weren't for the studios, many films would have not been made. And so, we're going to have so much fun at Universal!!!

I'm still working at the Hanger. John is paying me cash "under the table." Not literally, just in envelopes. This is good also, because we don't have to take out for taxes. So, I'm making more money to spend on us in Florida.

Well, I'm off to watch a movie called "The Last of Shelia." Maybe this will restore my attitude to write more.

Police this (holds crotch), mother fucker!

First of all, I received my fourth speeding ticket. Technically fourth and fifth, including a ridiculous expired tag charge. At this point in time, I should have disciplined myself from speeding, but really can you discipline yourself from speeding completely? The answer is "Hell fucking no!" First of all, if you tell (actually demand) society to refrain from something, there will always be temptation to do that thing, whatever it may be. Things like drugs, explicit sex, j-walking, the lottery are just some examples I conjure up at this moment that are vices that if lawfully taken away will always find their way to individuals. Same with speeding, different with it not being materialistic, but in theory, the one thing it has in common with the mentioned above is that all are considered "evil." And watching a cop break several traffic violations that I'm forced to abide by is just plane wrong. I think today's debacle with eight police dykecicles within a one-mile radius, catching speeders around a curve on the interstate is completely ludicrous and on a par with the police cameras at red lights. This is one among the many issues I have with the police structure and the city of Atlanta period. I cannot recollect who said it, but the "the people should not fear their government, but the government should fear the people," quote should apply to the authoritative structure of police. Their duty might be to keep us, the people, in line, but there is no reason that we, the people who pay for their shiny fast cars with our taxes, should have to stand behind yellow tape just because a man with a badge said so. I believe that police, instead of taking advantage of the civil rights granted to all, should practice their duty as civil servants, not a military force. At least then, people in Dekalb County wouldn't be getting shot all the time. I'm sick and tired, and I think people should rise up and do something about this. You can take authority to such a level before it becomes fascist, and that is the level our country is heading. Just the fact police officers who murder (Yes, I say murder, because anyone killed intentionally by another person is murder), can be justiably protected by the body of our government that upholds morals and values above anything else is fucking pathetic, and I will have to agree with Rev. Wright when I too say "Goddamn America!" When there are individuals spawning religious principles off as "morals," then society has taken a wrong path, which also will lead to fascism. Police officers take an oath to "protect and to serve" the people. More like "Protect the rich whites from the eerie black folks, and serve the careless speeders with tickets." That, ladies and gentlemen should be the new oath of the Atlanta Police Department.

This actually transitions into my next religious banter. Tonight, while Amelia and I left Starbucks, a man approached us and asked for money in what turned out to be a two or three minute speech about how he's 45 or 54 years old and is truly trying to live and how it's not right for his situation to be so. His "monologue" practically brought be to tears inside. I stopped the car and Amy gave me a dollar to give the homeless gentlemen. This puzzles me, because in Sunday school (not capitalized, because it's not a real institution) we were taught that God loves all his children, but how can God love the ones he/she/it puts into horrid situations? And why does this vast population of middle class suburban church-going families and mansion-living rich families feel that God loves them more. You know, I might have to agree with the fact God does love the rich more now. I mean, just looking at how many people are starving in this world alone is enough to make anyone (well excluding the rich) believe that God doesn't care for the poor. According to the bible (that book that's collecting dust somewhere in between my copy of Shopgirl and James Patterson), God sent his POOR son to die for us. It says that Jesus was poor. Then why are there churches the size of Brandsmarts (OHH MY GODD!)? This world we're living in is cruel and unjust. And these people are the one's driving the bullet to hell, if you believe in it. Not to mention, incidents like this make me question the existence of God completely. How about instead of believing in God just to get a one-way ticket to heaven, how about not believing due to the fact that you opened your fucking eyes and saw that why did God make all of this that's bad in the world. Of course I'll get responses like "Oh, Satin invented evil." Wait! Where the fuck did this character come from? It's like you say there's a room and there is only one person in this room, but then you say: This guy asks the guy next to him, "Hi, do you have the time?" What I mean is that Christian morons cannot pawn off God's mistakes on Satin. It's almost like an escape goat. You see this all the time with any loopholes throughout biblical history. You even see it today with assholes saying, "Satin made me do it." No, your so-called perfect God gave you a free-thinking conscious, which made you decide to do something as absurd, but cool as cock-slapping the pope in the face and calling him a Nazi. I've always considered myself on the fence with the topic of religion. I hate it when people create "sides." Only one group created the term "sides" because another group of people had different opinions. And what do you know, suddenly the other side is the "bad side." Before you know it, the "good side" is recruiting others and if you don't join the "good side," then you're on the "bad side" and will spend the rest of your eternity with the "bad side." I think it's possible to have complete confidence in the fact there is/is not a God, but I'm tired of being pressured into either group. I make my own decision.

And on a related topic, yard signs, like the height of a redneck's lawn, have got to go. It's hard enough driving past billboards on 75 that show hookers that will do whatever you want, fast food restaurants that also will do whatever you want, but I just want to drive through a neighborhood without being corneally raped by garish signs that have a name of someone that will do nothing about issues like poverty and police/government corruption. I do believe I just made a New Rule. I should start a New-Rule-A-Day.

Alright, so I just decided not to stop blogging to watch Robert Altman's "The Player" tonight on the Sundance channel. Instead, I quickly opened up another window, headed over to Half.com and bought it new for six bucks. So, moving onto the next topic...

Before coming in here to blog, Ma and I were watching "the Colbert report." I chose not to capitalize "the" and "report" because anything before or after "Colbert" should not be proper due to the fact it will take the beauty away from Stephen Colbert. Anyways, getting back to the show. ma and I were watching his segment where he interviews a guest, and he was interviewing a man who wrote a book called "Iraq: The Islamic State." Colbert asked the gentlemen if he's seen the new Iraqi Constitution that he "helped" draft. The man said that was able to read the Iraqi constitution and Colbert rapidly asked the man asked if our amendments, individually, were in their document. He agreed to every amendment Colbert threw out, even freedom of religion. This is a major strain in Iraq, because Muslims claim Iraq as an Islamic state. And judging from what I've studied about Islam, they don't take too kindly to other religions interfering with their land. Therefore if the option (which I'm sure will evolve into persuasion which will rot into coercion) of Christianity is offered in Iraq, more people will be killed. I'm not an expert in this field, but the situation became worse with hypothetically soldiers "giving" freedom to Iraqi citizens, and if opposed to this scary new virus called democracy, they are killed. It's the old facetious joke where a soldier tells the man, "You are free," but since the man has no clue what freedom means he responds with, "I don't want YOUR freedom." And so the soldier shoots the man and asks the rest of the people in sight, "Does anyone else not want freedom?" I'm sorry, but I think there is no way to secure freedom with a gun. This is where I agree with Obama, because I know there are racist, white, christian southerners saying, "Oh, he wants to take away my gun, well, if I got a chance, I'll shoot him!" Little does he know that you cannot defend your right to bear arms by using those arms. Going back to the joke, It man says, I don't want YOUR freedom" in reference to us giving them what we have, but they don't have what we have. They don't have expensive cars to drive and watch flat-screen TV's, but you know that they do have? Starbucks that they can't afford. This makes me want to create a short film that takes place in a Starbucks located in Iraq. The workers make drinks and say things like, "Okay, I have a nonfat, moca-latte, cappafrappachino, with whipped cream and Cinnamon for Sargent Lance Dawson." And "We have a no calorie, java steamer for Colonel Jessep." Something that is incredibly satirical, but contains a message about the ugly business world and the hand of corporatism and capitalism. I was talking to Ma earlier and she commented that John's daughter Jennifer, said that the marketing world is horrible. This is a semi-rich, white, southern, christian who went into studying marketing and was hit with the reality of the people behind the ads. Aside from her religious principles, her moral principles took over and told her this game of "business fashion" is unethical. Now, after having gone through school to become a marketing person, she now wants to go back to school to do something else. Sounds like she should have expected what she was getting into. But really, when you look at the corporate marketing world, it really is the so-called Christan, white, right individuals who really own this country. This is why, although somewhat flawed by the same principles, I think America does need change. This is why we need someone who will say no to secrete contacts behind closed doors, and no to product placement. But, the truth is you have to endorse these things in order to get elected in the fist place. Although, even flawed by this disease of capitalism, someone like Hilary or Obama should be elected, just to get us in the right direction. Yes, there might be flaws with these individuals that will be mistakes, but first of all, I won't be dumb enough to cover up mistakes like the stupid fucks who justified Bush's decisions like bringing a war zone into a war zone. Even better, we need someone like Dennis Kucinich or Russ Feingold who will restore the heart of America, instead of making the heart of America something that sits inside of Dick Cheney's chest.

I didn't intend this post to go on for as long as it did. I just felt like I needed to get a lot out and this was just the place to do it. I'm mad, I'm pissed, I'm angry, and I'm proud to be in the land of state with the fruit that resembles a vagina, and the home of the Braves. Goodnight ladies and gentlemen! I would like to thank my panel for sitting in and I'll see you next week.