Today Dad, Drew and myself ventured to Kennesaw today and I must say it was a delightful little trip. The three of us hardly ever have time alone, and today it happened (again, if you include the trip to Six Flags). Last week, we all watched Buster Keaton's silent classic "The General." This movie is great! The film is set during the Civil War and involves a stolen train called "The General." Buster Keaton directs and stars as a southern man trying to stop the train. The film was shot on location and Keaton did all of his stunts. This includes running after the train and standing on the front of it. Dad mentioned the actual General train is located in Kennesaw, so we planned to go and see it. Below is a picture of Buster Keaton in front of The General and me in front of The General. What can I say, I wanted to see how it felt.

Before returning home, Dad told us that we had to visit a little store. He also mentioned that upon entering the store, I couldn't say anything offensive. Well, here's a picture of the store:

And yes, the flag to the left is the Klu Klux Klan flag. The only reason dad wanted us to see it is because "everyone should see this." After visiting the store, I don't think everyone should see this. Wild Mans is owned by a large southerner who has a long beard, kind of like the members of Lynard Skynard or ZZ Top. The store had a bad odor of what dad thought was mold and I thought was racial ignorance. The typical "Obama-Nation" signs really didn't bother me as much, but the one that said, "Where are you Sherman now that we need you?" My jaw literally dropped at the sigh of this sign. There were Lester Maddox political signs all over the place. Dad told us Maddox was a former governor of Georgia who later owned a restaurant and once the civil rights took affect, he continued to "turn blacks away." In fact, there was an incident where a few African Americans refused to leave, so Maddox walks to the back of his place, brings out an ax handle and threatened to beat them if they didn't leave. After that event, many people flocked to this restaurant to get ax handles autographed by the bigot. This is from the guy who has said integrating schools was "ungodly, un-Christain, and un-American." I worried that my car would get beat up if citizens saw my bumper stickers. According to an article in the New York Times (celebrating his death), once Maddox was elected to office, he mentioned that God was his campaign manager. After winning the election, Martin Luther King said, "I'm now ashamed to be a Georgian."

Going to the store was actually good for me. Seeing all of this really opened my eyes even further to how much hated really truly still exists today. Saying that Sherman should come back and burn Atlanta again is pushing the line back too far. I had planned on not talking about politics, but what gets me is how "diversified" America claims to be, however the thought of a half-black president is too much for many southerners. Like Martin Luther King Jr. hearing animosity towards a presidential candidate they refuse to research on because the color of his skin makes me too ashamed to be a Georgian. I had a good long talk with Dad on this subject. There's just too much utter stupidity still thriving in the south. I can't tell you how many times I've been criticizing capitalism and I receive this response: "Well, if you don't like it, leave!" I am now saying if you think Obama shouldn't be elected president because he's black, realize that everyone in American supposedly has equal rights, and if you don't like it, LEAVE!"

Oh, it feels really great having access to the Internet again. I've been deprived for the last two weeks from checking my mail, updating my blog, downloading new music, researching film and theatre, and watching illegally downloaded films to youtube. I'm really hungry for lunch, but I do want to update here before I eat a nice sandwich made by myself.

I've got this problem where I mentally feel like I'm going to get sick and then my throat tenses up and even gags sometimes. For the longest time, it worried me, but now it's just pissing me off. A lot of people have encouraged me to "just force yourself to get sick." Ma even told me that she would have been in the bathroom with her finger down her throat if she felt like I did. I'm tired of hearing people tell me what to do, especially since the thing they want me to do is why I'm worried. But then again I've been afraid of a lot of things in life: giving blood, throat cultures, getting sick, worrying myself to death, ect. but I'm tired of running. It really feels like I'm running. For once, I really should stand up and face my fears. But I don't have to, because I have the choice. Maybe I should just drink a lot one night and then by morning I won't be afraid of getting sick anymore, I'll only be afraid of what happened the night before. It's kind of childish to be afraid of something as small as getting sick. Oh well, whatever happens will happen.

I bought the John Cassavetes film collection last December and a few months ago, I finally reached the opportunity to watch his first feature entitled "Shadows." I don't really know what I thought about it. I caught the storyline comparison to jazz, and how it's cut artistically and improvised heavily in rehearsals for a coherent scripted scene. Last week I watched his next film "Faces." Watching it for the first time was tough, because there's not really a clear plot to Faces. The closest thing I apprehended from it was that it was an insight to married life and the constant struggles expressed through emotions. Cassavetes expressed his interest of using the camera like a microscope and looking through characters to really see the inner self that they normally try and hide. EVERYONE holds certain things inside. Cassavetes says that through making the film, the actors had to pull those things out and confront them. When you think about it, if you never surface these hidden feelings, then they hold you back and you'll never really know who you are. Cassavetes pulled things out of himself when he devised the script and the actors had to as well when portraying the roles. Basically the moral is to be honest. Although many people will argue that honesty is bad. It feels good to be honest, because there's nothing holding you still. Everything is out in the open. And so the second time I watched faces, I understood more what the film is for. It's just as much for the person watching than entertainment. Well, a few days ago, I saw one of his later films called, "Opening Night." This film literally blew me away. I mean, I was in awe every minute of the film. The film expressed much of the same in Faces, where the inner self produces constant struggles and it's important to confront those struggles. In reality, couples love, they fight, they laugh, they sing, they drink, they lie, they watch movies, they talk, and they confront themselves. Opening Night has a collaboration of both film and theatre. I cannot express how much theatre people talk down about film, and film people talk down about theatre. Can it be possible for both sets of people to put their opinions aside and accept the fact that while they're separate mediums, it's not possible to try and be better than the other. and that it's possible for film and theatre to coexist together.

Well, enough about Cassavetes and back to me. I want to make films, but getting out and doing it is the key part and at the same time really intimidating. It truly is what has held me back from making Kaleidoscope and other short projects, but it's about time I do something about it. Everyone around me can encourage me as much as they want, but I'm the one who has to get up and get out there to do it. And so, I've got a project in mind. I'm not saying much, because I don't want to jinx myself. If I have learned anything, it is not to talk about anything until I'm close to finishing it. And so, all I'm saying is that for the past few days, I have been brainstorming and writing out things to get my blood flowing. It's challenging, but if it wasn't then I wouldn't enjoy it. The trip back to Barnesville really got me going again. I've got locations, I've got actors, I've got a camera, it's just me who has to pull it all together and do it. Well let me tell you, I'm doing it!