I worried a lot today...

It's the first day back and I'm already in the middle of a largest conspiracy ever: my mind. While in Florida a few weeks ago, I felt overheated and like I was going to get sick. A few weeks after that I felt it again. This was the Charlie Chaplin VS Buster Keaton night. And now today it has reemerged into existence. It wasn't as bad like the others, but today this morning I awoke feeling great, and this continued until realizing that my court date (this Thursday) is the same date of the trip I have planned with Dad and the group. My stomach turned. Not because it was the same date, but because I knew it came to the point where Lynn would find out about the speeding ticket. You know, if I had as much confidence as I have fear in her, then I'd be a pretty sturdy person mentally. Well, I called dad and told him. I felt bad, because I was now laying this in lap to worry about also. He now had to find a way to make it look like he didn't know. He said that he'd think about it. A few minutes later, I called him back and told him I felt bad about the whole thing and wanted Lynn to find out and didn't want to bring him down with me, so I wanted to accept responsibility for my own actions and fess up. He said that sounded good and that he needed to go. I hung up the phone and a few minutes later, the phone rang again. This time it was Dad, but with a screaming Lynn in the background. "Tell him that he's not welcome in this house!" That's one out of the many sayings I could make out from her rant. Dad insisted that I try and get another court date. He told me to call Amy's mom and ask what I could do to get the date changed. I agreed to and hung up the phone. This is when I started feeling worse. Maybe it was the IHOP for breakfast, or the coffee, or the worrying, or the constant excuses I continue to ponder about. I chose not to call Amy's mom, because A) she has a tennis match today and I wouldn't even think about interrupting her day off to bother with an annoying law question, and B) I don't want to give her the power she always takes. Let's look at it like this: she demands I do this, and by not doing it, I'm just accepting the fact that I'm stepping away from control. Well, I did look on the Atlanta Court website and found that you need to mail a letter asking for a alteration of a court date 2 days before the date. I then started thinking if I send a letter tomorrow, then it probably won't get there on time, and I'll have no way of knowing if it cleared or not. Besides, I waited until the last minute like always, so I should accept responsibility and just go with what I can. Dad said that I could drive down to St. Simon's by myself, which I'm fine with. But he said to call tomorrow and ask if I can fax a letter to the Clerk's office and do so tomorrow. I feel like it's something that I have to do that I don't want to do. It's all so much pressure to deal with. After I got off the phone with Lynn screaming on the phone, I began feeling sick like the other times. Worrying is what upsets my stomach to the point where I feel sick. When I'm in this condition, I have no knowledge of what stress-free means. And so I sat down and began writing. This way I was verbally vomiting, which I hoped would help. The feeling somewhat went away, but I still felt the tension inside. It's so easy for others when they tell me not to worry. I think mainly because the more I try not thinking about something, the more it's being emphasized. I wrote a poem and a short story from my worrying. They don't really make sense and I could care less if their good or shitty. Maybe the best writing is that which is therapeutic rather than attempting creative expression. But what do I know? I'm the one who can't control myself not to worry about something. It's pointless to continue bantering about this subject.

All I know is that the saying, "Worrying yourself sick" definitely is not a myth. I also once heard that every second anyone spends worrying is a second taken away from life. If this is true, then my date is coming up soon. Hopefully before Thursday. Just kidding.

BAHAMAS

I had planned on writing a daily summary like I did before with the Florida vacation, but it really takes out so much energy. And unlike the Universal trip, there were low points. Like getting burned. It was a really fun trip! I had never been on a cruise before, so this was something new and exciting all at once. Really the only great excitement on the ship (called a ship, because anytime I referred to it as a boat, I received many weird looks) was on the top deck front or back. I preferred back, although, on the front I felt like Dwight steering the ship on the Office. On the back, I stared down at the water and the vast waves produced by tank sized propellers. Just the thought of jumping off and in seconds being completely alone in darkness with the unknown below thrilled be beyond description. On the glass bottom boat, I had similar feelings. These were mainly pertaining to just jumping off the boat so I could tread in the crystal blue water and the emerald green colored shore water. This might come off a little weird, but I felt like Dexter on the glass bottom boat in the middle of the ocean. It was truly relaxing. I forgot about everything bothering me. There was no ticket in my mind at that minute. It was as if I'd become absorbed into an environment beyond my control, and after losing the fight, I finally gave into a state of complete relaxation.

It's truly eye-opening to go into another country different from your own. Not only is it just that, but also culturally liberating. In the Bahamas, there is no tax, but with everything I bought, I asked them to keep whatever was left, as my contribution to the city. They have socialized medicine, but pay five dollars a gallon for gas. That proves the various ups and downs of society. But they're not tempted by humongous Wal-Marts and pointless materialistic goods. There does exist a Starbucks and a McDonalds, but that's only on the port areas, mainly due to the rapid numbers of tourism received each day, which also generates revenue towards the country. Most of the port areas are controlled by corporations from America. Atlantis itself is controlled by corporations, but excluding the rich areas, Nassau has a beautiful environment with a rich smell of happiness. I truly do hate what I termed as "Tourist Zones." These are set up by agreements with city officials and American corporations to supposedly generate revenue to the island itself, but in my opinion goes right back into the pockets of the rich executives shaking the hands of the Bahamians. The real island shopping is done in the heart of Nassau, where if you even show a hint of interest in anything, the vendor will chase you down saying, "You like? You buy?" And then go on describing the detailed features about it. The Tourist Zones are located either right where you get off on the port, or where the Carnival-chained excursion drops you off. I hated the Tourist Zone shops. You know what they are because it resembles something like Panama City or Cancun or even Orlando. Small shops with tropical-like souvenirs hand crafted by the fabulous slaves of industry. I did cave in and buy a shirt because it aroused my interest. It says "Got Rum?" and at the bottom "Nassau, Bahamas." I thought it was a funny shirt, so I bought it, only to realize the shirt was made in Mexico. And so the shirt was probably made into a shirt for three cents by a Mexican sweatshop worker, sold to the USA for five cents, the USA probably sold it to the Bahamas for 20 bucks (including tax), and then sold to me for $9.99 (without tax). Yes, this part pessemized me, but you can't help what you don't know, and certain Bahamians just don't know.

On the way home, I could see parts of the Islands of Cuba, and really wanted to go. Drew and I ventured off into the deep city of Nassau and got to a point where people on the street were offering us marijuana and also Cuban Cigars. I really almost bought on just so I could try and sneak it into the country and be able to say that I personally have broken the embargo with Cuba and have supported a Communist country. But the penalty for being caught with a Cuban Cigar in customs is a prison sentence, so I decided that martyr didn't sound too appealing after all.

I do at least want some portion of my life to have bought or stolen a boat and just ride to various Islands and explore. Also, just turn it off and let the tides bring me somewhere. While on the glass bottom boat, the captain turned off the engine to look around himself. When he did so, the boat had been given to the tides. And boy was that a fun roller coater on its own. I literally was swung back and forth in a thrilling dizziness that no drug could produce. The sea in fact is a drug. It's addictive and I had to fight every urge just to "get my feet wet" and try it. Having a boat would be so nice though. Maybe I should purchase or steal a really shitty boat and clean it up like in Captain Ron. I would have to say, "Hey Boss!" all the time though. Everything from being out on the ocean and in on the Mummy Ride has truly given me thrills beyond anything imaginable. I don't know. I have a lot more to live and I want to live it more.

I have included some of my trip photographs. There are too many to upload them all, but I am including a link at the bottom for access to my Flickr account.

The Boat.... I mean Ship.

I love the contrast of the green and black.

This shark is for you, Amy!!!

Me on the glass bottom boat.

Part of the city in Nassau.

The middle of the cruise ship.

I just love this picture so much!


CLICK FOR MORE PICTURES

Anticipated Films

MIRRORS


CHOKE


BURN AFTER READING


THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON


DIMINISHED CAPACITY


BAGHEAD


BLINDNESS

Vacation Within a Vacation

Tomorrow afternoon, I will set sale for a cruise to Nassau and Freeport in the Bahamas. At first, I was just a little excited, but now I am really SORE excited! It's quite overwhelming right now and I'm not even close to getting on the boat yet. I probably won't update for a while since I'll be at sea. That is cool to say. At sea. And I've already decided that if Lynn gives me any shit, I will go on an excursion and purposefully miss the shuttle back to the boat, therefore be forced to live there. Well, I had better finish packing.

Various Pictures

Amy and myself at the Theatre Banquet.

Stephen Colbert eyebrow.

Inspirational Music, screenplay, ect...

I'm still on vacation, and vacation is still on me. For the oddest reason, I've been feeling like this has gone on for too long, although when I do return home, and adjust back into a routine, I'm sure I'll still feel the same as I do now, but miss the vacation time. The past week has been rough, but I've tried staying positive. I with to exert most of my time in the script, but I keep slipping away. Music has helped in producing material, but its great when I hear a song and think its great to inspire me, but once I listen to it several times, it becomes different. When at first, a great song for a possible soundtrack, now is just another fucking tune stuck on repeat in my head. One song has failed to lose its beauty and inspiration, and that song is titled "Girls Talk" by Angelo Badalamenti. This composer has written and performed songs in just about every David Lynch film. This specific song I found on the Twin Peaks soundtrack, which I downloaded a few days ago and cannot become sick of it. Throughout the song, different moods are present and gradually shift into others. It accurately represents a Lynch film. Next to that one is Harry Nilsson's version of "One." This song, while beautifully covered by Aimee Mann in Paul Thomas Anderson's "Magnolia" is even better due to its simplicity and loneliness tone in the voice. I see this song as an opening for the film, but it was already used as an opening in Magnolia, so I'll avoid copying others material like Steven Speilberg did in the latest Indiana Jones movie. The other song that has helped me keeping focus to the story is Electric Light Orchestra's "Twilight," because like the first song, it contains various changing pitch and style within several parts. While this song doesn't compete in elegance like Badalamenti, it does have a catchy chorus that makes me happy. And the film song used as inspiration is "Dreaming" from Blondie. It's just a great song and is titled "Dreaming," which serves much relevance to my story. So, "Girls Talk", "One", "Twilight" and "Dreaming" all have kept me in line to write this story.

Much of the actual story has not been constructed yet. I'm more concerned about characterization first. While I've changed the story around a number of ways, I'm still trying to focus on particular events that occur and how they excite other events to follow. I'm up against a wall as far as what to reveal in my blog. So much of it I don't want to give away, and interpret from my perspective. I guess I'll discuss a little. Maybe this will help the thoughts flow. I want to stay with a theme that I've used before: connection of characters, and a single or multiple links between these people that might or might not be well addressed. I've been toying around with context in the whole of the story. I guess I'll talk a little about the characters. The story centers around (for now) two couples. The first couple consists of a college English professor and the college psychiatrist. And while their relationship seems like that of a typical married couple, their relationship at home is completely different. Some might even consider it abnormal. I use the phrasing "some" because I hope to not only address, but destroy the line that separates the normal and abnormal, and there are individuals that might take a different position on this. David Lynch uses something similar with the elimination of the permanent definition of comedy. I find that in most situations Lynch establishes a situation, that while appears serious with the aid of technical advances, that cannot be defined as funny or serious. In a way, he leaves it up to the audience to find it either funny or serious. So, I want to leave it in the air whether this will be taken as normal or abnormal. In a way, it's good to have abnormalities and taboos, because it presents a form of escapism. And these characters all use forms of escapism to hope for progress, and are presented with struggles. Without a line of communication, disaster occurs. But with some circumstances, the unloading of the things hidden can ruin everything. The second couple is that of an aspiring filmmaker and a writer. Both are students attending the same college the other mentioned characters preside over. Another character, also a student, will fall in love with the English professor, and act as the spawning tack that is placed between the teacher and her husband. This character might be an actor in the college's theatre, and the English professor might ask her husband to take her to the production, and the entire time, the woman loses herself within the production and creates the fantasy of her and the student. Maybe. I think the relationship between the student and the professor is an important and controversial subject, and I want to explore the situation, not with the intent for controversy, but merely just to tell another story. I've toyed around with using various forms of psychoanalysis within the story, but I'm not sure about that yet. I do want to go into the unconscious and kind of get inside the minds of these characters. I like the idea of creating characters and sticking them in difficult situation and think about how they would get out. Hopefully by that time I will have created the character so fully that I'll know in an instant what reaction would take place. Okay, I think this is enough to make me continue writing tonight. I'll discuss a little more tomorrow.