Drunkenness Is A Warm Gun

I’m not going to lie. Being drunk is fun. The after-effect is fucking awful, but the good feeling (which I usually call “buzzed”) is absolutely wonderful. I do fear alcohol, but I have to remember that you can’t live your life in fear. Reality just sometimes feels so in place that getting out of place sometimes creates mental stability. It creates head, liver and stomach instability, but everything has consequences. As far as acting stupid, fuck it. The only thing that matters is if you feel good. Of course this is sober Will talking, who has finally recovered from a fairly-bad hangover. Yesterday, I probably was in the mood to never drink again, but in all honesty, you get kicked off the horse, you get back on. Or maybe just find another horse. Let’s say that a Jager Horse knocks you off very hard, well there’s always the Grey Goose Horse waiting to be ridden, so….. saddle up cowboy! I just figure that later on in life, I’m going to be old and miserable and so I want to have fun while I still am financially, mentally and physically able. I do understand the risks of becoming an alcoholic, which is good. Most people don’t even understand the risks, which puts them a step ahead towards alcoholism. Either that or I’m just saying that to justify the fact I still want to drink. I don’t know… It’d a difficult subject. One in fact, that I need a drink in order to talk about. Haha. Anyways, while I’m on the subject of drunkenness, here’s a clip from John Cassavetes’ “Husbands.” I don’t know what to say about it, but watch it.

Season Finale

Today felt like a season finale in a television show. Most good TV shows always have a good season finale with unique qualities. The main one present is that everything is coming to an end. This is in regards to the production of the show, but also the action taking place within the show. It seems that today, being the last full length day of school really felt like the perfect ending to a TV show. In the Writing Center, everything felt different. It was the first time we all crowded around the front table and just had fun. There were probably ten people turned away who needed help. Just kidding. We managed to tutor some people in our fun time, but failed to do our job in recording the required paperwork. Yes, it was great, because we all connected at the party (some of us more than others) and that togetherness followed through to the final work day. Maybe the fact it was our last day played a major role in this. I never really liked the crowd well enough to hang out, but today was a lot of fun. Just like a season finale, you never want it to end, but you know it's coming. That's how today felt. Dr. Janssen was exceptionally nice to us today. It was, in a way, almost creepy. He shared a story with Amy and myself about his college days in Athens, which really created a whole new awkwardness. I really do see myself going over to his place and jamming with “the guys.” I cannot picture “hanging out” with professors, but it would be neat to kick back with Tony, David, Ed, and Bob (the janitor in the Academic Building, whom Dr. Janssen tells me plays blues on a mean banjo). Just kidding. I could play with them, but never do the first name thing. Anyways, as the day slowly came to an end, one by one, an employee would say their goodbyes and make their exit until it was down to just me. Actually, it was down to Mr. Higgins, Derrek, and myself. I didn’t have the cinematic moment I hoped for. I would be the last one there, push in all the chairs, close the blinds, turn our the lights, and just as I would shut the door, I’d turn around and say, “Goodbye.” As cheesy as it sounds, I really am going to miss that place as well as Gordon College in general. I realized today that I’ve spent three years there. That’s almost the length of high school, which was an eternity. It just seems like the end, but I keep forgetting that in all honesty, it’s the beginning. I shook Tony’s hand and said my goodbye. But something was still missing. I made a great contribution to the theatre department and I felt like a mark in my honor was necessary. What, if Truet Cathy can have the rock hard eagle statue in the lobby, I can leave my mark. So, I took some leftover paint, climbed on a table and wrote my name and date on the theatre workshop tool-room wall. Afterwards, it felt really good. And so, I left the theatre for the last time. Here’s a picture of it:

Last night, while in my frustrating project/study binge, I received a text message from Dan. He demanded an explanation regarding the fact no one has received their Rocky Horror DVD's. I ignored it and continued studying. A few minutes later, I received another from Jenna, again regarding the DVD's, also mentioning that Dan had just asked her. I ignored it again, but a few more minutes later, I received another text, this time from John Wright, and yes, he also asked about the Rocky DVD's. I finally turned my phone off, because I literally was getting angry. So, this morning, I woke up early, went to the Post Office in Hampton and shipped my only two copies of Rocky Horror to Dan in Arizona. Now it's his problem. If people want to keep badgering me about it, I'll simply tell them to take it up with Dan, because it's not my problem anymore. Now it's up to him to make copies and ship them individually to everyone. Anyways, that added to my frustration last night. It payed off, because today my journal looked fantastic, and I also scored a 92 on my Astronomy test. Today also was my last day in Water Basketball. I scored five goals and played my hardest. I finally scored for the first time in a while. It took me about three misses, but then I scored from quite a distance. Coach even yelled, "That a boy, Will! Go Will!" It was great. My strongest position is defensive guard. Ask anyone in that class and they will tell you I play a mean defense. The best thing to do is instill fear into your opponent and then do whatever it takes to get the ball away from them. When doing so, sometimes my arms reach around their backs and a foul is called. I received three of those today. One I even argued over with the coach. The best part about today was at one point when I tried to rebound the ball at the goal, something happened. Either the ball came down and hit me in the face, or an opponent accidentally swung his elbow into my head. Whichever the case being, I have a nice bruised eye. It's actually more on the side of my eye and runs up to my forehead. I'm keeping ice on it, so tomorrow it should look awesome.

In other news, I think I'm getting more serious about making this short. I want to say that sometime not next week, but the week after, I'm hoping to get some shooting done. Hopefully next weekend, after school is out, I can sit down with Josh and Jenna and give them what I've written and see if they can improvise with it. I want to experiment with some written dialogue and some ad-libbed. I've talked to Kirk and Will and they said it's fine that I shoot in their apartment. Will is going into film also and wants to be a cinematographer. Maybe I'll let him shoot part of it as compensation. Anyways, everything seems to be falling in line, and so I'm afraid that I'll screw everything up again and nothing will get done.

I found a guy online who sells bootleg DVDs: everything from cult to unreleased classics. I bought two unreleased John Cassavetes movies: Husbands and Love Streams. I figure if Cassavetes was alive, he probably wouldn't mind that I'm going out of my way to see his two films. Not to mention the only reason the two films haven't been released is because the Studios have the rights, but just refuse put it out. Cassavetes is probably rolling in his grave.

Tomorrow I have my health class in the gym. Another three mile run on the treadmill.

Once again, I will end up pouting about my failure to successfully accomplish the completion of a short film. The reason of this is because today is the Georgia State film showcase festival, which I could be attending much less submitted a film. I'm of course being responsible by working and going to class tonight. I could have easily faked a sickness and got someone to cover me, but it just seems like too much work. Kind of similar to the excuse I give for not making a film now. This festival marks yet another opportunity passing before me.

I did however write a short script this weekend. Saturday night, after my plants to attend "The Crawling Eye" fell apart, I ended up going out, buying Kuhlua, and after four White Russians, I finished a short script. I wanted to write something that felt real and that people around my age might be able to relate to. I wanted to show the struggles of being young, and yet slowing moving into adulthood. How the entire world seems tiny, but once actually seeing it, the world appears actually quite large. I don't know. I'm really making it sound ridiculous and it probably doesn't qualify for comparison to that description. I just wanted to put off sleep and write something. I bet I can shoot it. The problem is if I will do it. It's a simple two maybe three character story with very minimum locations, probably only one. I can use Kirk and Will's apartment to shoot the whole thing. Maybe I should really get serious for once. My frustration is becoming annoying.

I had better study. Time for blogging later...

An unfortunate event occurred this past Tuesday night at the Plaza showing of "The Big Lebowski." A person (whom is not worthy of a name) decided to sit directly in front of me. His other friends filled up the remaining row. During the pre-show, these people decided to exchange pictures of the female genitalia on their cell phones. The feedback given was embarrassing. It was really disgusting, but didn't stop there. Once the movie began, the guy leaned back and for some reason his seat was broken, therefore extended further than others in the row. So, here I was, this guy practically in my lap, so he decides to rock the chair back and forth. For the first part, I just changed my position away from his chair, but after the position became uncomfortable, I decided to go back the way I was. My legs, not extended more than usual, were hit over and over again by the rocking seat. I thought if I let his seat his my legs for a little while, he'd notice and stop..... he didn't. Instead, he decided to mumble something like, "That's your leg," and went back rocking. As if this wasn't enough, he yelled out obscene phrases throughout the film and cheered for naked women. Frankly, I was not only repulsed, but offended by his apparent rudeness. I couldn't think of anything to do at the time. Actually, I sincerely thought about killing him, something that probably wouldn't be worth it with all the mess, but I really do think he does not deserve to live. What good can come from this person's life? When Amy got up to go to the bathroom, the chair hit her as well. Knowing what I know now, I should have just went and told the manager. I'm pretty sure that Amy and myself weren't the only people disgusted by this asshole. Maybe I should have told the manager the person was kidding with his friends about setting the carpet on fire, and that I saw him playing with a matchstick. The reason I have given the identity of "person" is because I'm ashamed to call him a man or guy. People like this person is what gives my sex a bad name. The problem is if I took out all the disgusting persons out of the "men" category, then I'd be very lonely. That's how sad this is.

On my way to and from St. Simons, I came across several billboards, one in which read in large bold letters "WE BARE ALL." Others were for Hooters, including a scantily dressed woman and hot wings. These billboards make me sick. Everything from advertisements to forms of art exposing women as objects. I really cannot put into words how offended I am, not as a man, but at a human being. I can just see guys driving down the road and get such a joy from seeing the billboard, which I don't know if the company or the consumer is more at fault. I'm of course only speaking my opinion, without facts. The marketing campaign could be run by a woman, but I just feel like it's more likely a man coming up with ideas of exposing a woman for financial gain. But there are women who knowingly expose themselves merely for the money and care less about self-image. I feel that a woman has the right to do whatever she wants to with her body, everything from abortion to prostitution, just as long as I don't have to see it on a billboard.

I just don't see how men could have fun sharing pictures of vaginas or how women get together and compare dildos. What happened to this world? Are these people just sad? Is there something missing in their lives and they have to fill an empty hole with useless desires? The more they fill, the lonelier they'll become. I don't have the answers to these questions, because I cannot understand them. It's something I really don't care to understand, which probably will result in never understanding.

I am of course, probably talking about a low percentage of people. I'm terrible at statistics, but I can only hope it's a low percentage.

If I ever come across that person again, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe not kill him, just take a baseball bat to his knees. Just kidding... I do know people though...

Thanksgiving

While sitting at the table with my relatives, the question came up: "What are you thankful for?" After the question was asked, I stopped and thought for a second. I raised my glass of wine with my relatives and announced my thankfulness for a new president, one in which overcame dreadful obstacles and is now our new president. I received a great response: in fact everyone agreed with me. I could not have said that at the table with my other family. The fact I could say it without receiving dirty looks or laughs is what I'm truly thankful for. I know this is late, but Happy Thanksgiving!

TONIGHT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!

Amy and I have a new thing to do... in line with going to Borders, movies, ect. Well, actually we can do our new activity and go do these things as well. No, I don't mean doing it "knee-chee" style in the Philosophy section. God, tonight was such an amazing night. That's all I can say. I'm just glad for some reason I'm not saying too much. Life is fucking awesome!

It feels like one of those days where you just want to stomp on a puppy. At this point if someone from PETA found that offensive, I would probably stomp them as well. I never could think stomping was cool until watching Robert Deniro and Joe Pecsi do it in "Goodfellas." Well, this anger is mostly coming from a wicked cold I awoke with this morning. I remember being very cold in the middle of the night, but not warm enough to get out of bed and turn the thermostat up. I'm convinced now that human beings are meant to suffer as much pain they allow. If that's true, then I'm in hell right now. My face feels compressed and like it's under water. My head aches, along with the rest of my body. I hate when my face is hot. Everything from the inside of my nose to my forehead just feels muggy and hot. The Alavert and hot tea did nothing, so now it's time to move up to Mucinex and vodka. I'm debating whether to skip Water Basketball, or go and just don't play. If I go, then I'll be miserable, if I skip then I'll still be miserable, so the decision really shouldn't be an important one.

The other portion of madness is coming from my computer science class. I struggled with entering the right codes in the right format. My coding looked identical to her set and I still kept getting error messages. What makes it worse is the error messages are in red. What better way to say you're a failure than in red font? So I toyed around with my compiler directive order and main function structure, and it turns out that I had mixed the book structure up with her net-lectures. I don't know why they are different, but they are. By the way, I just used words like "compiler directive" and "main function" to sound like I know what I'm doing. So, after getting about fifteen error messages and slamming my fist onto the computer table thirty times and grunting carious phrases (ex. fucking goddamn! Ughhh. Goddamn it! Shit! Aghh), the code worked and I built my first computer program. The way to observe your built program is to run it. I clicked on the button to run it and received a message telling me that I could not Debug a program, because I do not have Debugging authority. Executive authority cannot be attained by a student, therefore I cannot finish my assignment. Thanks a lot grumpy old lady who had executive authority in the computer lab. Well, it's four, so I'm out.

DON WILL

Here are two pictures I took from the Godfather video game on my parent's Wii. In the beginning, you must create yourself as a virtual character based on appearance. I there's some resemblance between me in real life and me in the game. The second picture is me sitting in the "Big Chair" with New York behind me. I beat the game when I was promoted to the Don of New York. It's the highest position in the game. I also now have over 2 million dollars and all the weapons you can imagine. If only a life were as cool as a video game.

I've not moved on to Facebook Mafia Wars. I now take back every horrible insult I have ever given to Facebook. It's basically your primary account is transferred over to a new format with health and energy stats. It also keeps up with how much money you acquire. There are many ways to make money in Facebook Mafia. I prefer the easy mugging, which gives you 200-400 dollars. In order to hit the big jobs, you must create a "family" and do the job together. As of now, I still have only one person in my family. I've sent invites out, but I think they're just too scared to get involved with my gang. The other option is to fight other members of Facebook Mafia. The fight is based on health, energy and how many weapons you own. I own a pistol, crowbar and a baseball bat. I need two more members in order to get the shotgun. That kills with one blow. Anyways, you're supposed to get money, and then make sure to deposit it in the bank or else others are allowed to fight you and take all you're money. It's struggle for survival on a network.

I think my recent growing interest in the mob is do to my fascination with power. A new show, which I'm obsessed with, Brotherhood, deals a lot with power. Power in the hands of one person could be the greatest thing, but in the hands of another could be the worst. It's about two brothers: Michael and Tommy Caffe. Tommy is the good one, a remember of the HOR and loving father and husband. Michael, is the bad one: gangster, who comes back in town after being away for seven years; all the while everyone thought he'd been killed. Michael comes back to claim old rackets and kill off old grudges. The arrival of the bad brother creates heat for the good one. My favorite part of the show: (besides the MASSIVE amount of violence: there's a scene where Michael slams a guy's head into the front of a car several times and then rips his ear off) the opposite effect, where even though Tommy is a great guy, the show diverges into the load of corruption it takes in order to get things passed in politics. And at the same time, Michael struggles with his inner self, where the audience catches a glimpse of a good side to him. So, the struggle of good and bad goes back and forth. I keep comparing it to the Departed, and it's just like it. Ethan Embry plays good friend to the brothers, but is also an FBI agent working on a case, which involves Michael. And did I mention they use the word "fuck" in like every sentence? Whether it be a stereotype or not, I love the East Coast. I've finished season one, which has an awesome season finale, and I'm about to start on season two. So excited!

Racist People Make Me Sick!

I'm currently blogging from the lobby of the Fine Arts Auditorium. The job of guarding the doors was given to me. Actually, I volunteered for it. This way, I can relax here in the lobby and study for my Health exam. Mr. Kirk's play doesn't go on until 2:00 anyways, so it all works out. But now I am about to discuss what happened this morning. I walked into the costume shop where other theatre people were located. It was a girl, a guy (who is gay) and another guy who I think is gay. Tony came in to brief me regarding the lights and how the day would go. As we casually talked, he brought up the fact the he didn't know Dennis Miller was a conservative. After he left, this girl decided to make racist jokes about our currently elected president. She showed me her phone which contained a long message, which I refused to read due to it's length, and because it started out "Barack Obama, Michelle Obama and Opera Winfrey are on an airplane..." I dismissed the joke as pathetic, but then she didn't stop. After the first joke, she continued to share a picture on her phone of the White House with a KFC sign, watermelon patch, a monkey climbing the top, and the theme song from Sanford and Son playing aloud. At this point, I just thought it was stupid, although beginning to get offensive. She then played aloud the theme song from the Jeffersons and announced that it would become the new national anthem. I finally spoke aloud and said, "Well at least I can sleep at night knowing the fact I've accepted him as a president. You cannot even do something as small as accepting someone." And then the pushing straw was when she showed everyone a picture of Obama with "Anti-Christ" in large, bold letters. I angrily said, "You know, I hope Obama is the Anti-Christ, because that means God will come back and take away all the Christians, and leave us to lead a great world without poverty, prejudice and hatred." She took offense to this and said, "Hey! I'm a Christian!" That gave me an opportunity to rant about how the church is able to influence hate legislation, and then she gave the usual lazy answer, "Well our country is founded on religious principles." You can't argue with someone who firmly believes this. First of all, it's really not, and even if it was, the definition of religious principles to our founding fathers probably didn't involve who was and was not allowed to marry. After that I finally just left. I could have left early on into the hate mongering, but I wanted to wade it out and fight back. I had to run and tell Tony about what she said. He told me, "Republican's have no place in theatre." So by her response to my argument regarding same-sex marriage was actually a stab to the two homosexuals present. How can you live with yourself when you pretty much tell someone in person that they have lesser rights than you?

This morning on NPR, an African American gay woman discussed the apparent connections between the African American struggle through the Civil Rights movement of the 1950's and the gay American struggle happening today. She went on to bring up a black woman who tried to vote in the 50's and was beaten for it. The same segregationists who would not allow equal rights to African American's in the 50's used the same bible to justify inequality that's being used today. Change is hopefully coming...

BARACK OBAMA IS OUR NEW PRESIDENT!!!!

It's been such a great day. I woke up this morning and watched Fox news with a sense of accomplishment. They were griping and complaining and I was loving every minute of it. Recently, it has been announced the majority of people who voted for Obama were Hispanic, therefore the black population did not get him the win, so stop it! Also, I read that Obama scored more white votes than both Gore and Kerry, so stop it! Oh, did I mention that Obama was elected president, so stop it! I have to admit, I might come off a bit cocky, but some people will not accept some things. A black man being president is one of those things. It's sickening that someone would think Obama is unfit to be president because the color of his skin. Well, he's proven to be fit by letting America decide and by choosing him as the next president of the United States. This morning, people were calling in on the radio to "vent or boast" and one caller said, "I'm really ashamed in America. I don't feel like a patriot anymore." Haha! Because his guy lost, and the black man is going to be in office, he doesn't feel like being an American anymore. That is really funny. I think we should send all the sour losers to Alaska, where they can have their own country to ban gay marriage, save babies, kill criminals, and have sex with many underage kids as much as they want.

I do feel like a lot was accomplished last night, but there's still a lot to be done. Amendment 2 in Florida, which was approved by the majority, says marriage should be only between a man and a woman. My lesbian mother told me that on the machine, the amendment was worded a confrontational way. She told me the amendment said something like "protect marriage by keeping it sanctiously defined between a man and a woman." Protect marriage? I didn't even know it was under attack? Is there a war on marriage I'm unaware of? Has the old moron in the White House cranked up another war? On my way home, a guy on the radio said that it was a victory for marriage today, and considered it the "Pro-marriage Amendment." I'm sorry, but my mother is just as much pro-marriage as any heterosexual couple. Marriage is a religious joining, but why should that stop someone who wants it? If my mother claims to be a christian and wants to get married, then it should be her right to do so. By not, it's like denying her to partake in a religious ceremony, and we do have freedom of religion in this country. It just so happens that the so called "religion" "prohibits" gays from getting married. They don't care about the vast divorce rate, or right-wing pedophilia, or priests molesting children. No, they're too busy trying to keep something defined by law. I don't really think it's right to get something lawfully defined. It's like creating a law to define brown trees as magic pixie sticks, or define the bible as a textbook.... oh wait..... Also on the radio, they went into talking about the numerous fundamental church organizations which not only sponsored the bill, but purchased a lot of advertisements to reach out to other churches. There's something terrifying about churches getting together and having the authority to influence voters. I use the word "influence" because that's what the church is fucking good at. Then again, when someone goes to the poll and sees "protect marriage" they're most likely going to vote yes, because they're actually being brainwashed into buying the same shit the church always manages to put into the minds of clueless Americans. I really don't know what marriage is anymore. The problem is if you warp around a definition too much, it's bound to become warped and unrecognizable. Therefore, I have created a new form of joining a couple in emotional and financial bond. "Abindment" is what I shall call it. I'll work out the details later. If the church is able to lobby up voters into making the definition of marriage a law, then I can find a way to implement an alternative form of unorthodox, non-religious joining for homo/heterosexual couples. It would be open to all people and hopefully there will be just as many abindments as marriages, therefore deluding away from "rules" set by the church.

I have an important Health test tomorrow afternoon, but also I forgot tomorrow is the second One-Act competition that I have to work. I really don't have to work it, but I guess it kinda goes with the job. Maybe it will give me an opportunity to study more for my test. Well, I feel a little better now that I've ranted. Time to study. More to say tomorrow...

HALLOWEEN NIGHT!!!

Okay, check out the close resemblance to this picture and the next. If you take the gross cigar and replace it with a cool martini, then you have yourself an uncanny resemblance.

I should have known better...

than to have drank that latte this morning. Recently, caffeine has been my evil nemesis and so I've tried eliminating it completely, although it's hard. Really hard. So, I figured that maybe it would ease the rush by switching from straight brew to lattes, in hopes the steamed milk would simmer the rush, but I didn't take in account for the shots of espresso. This morning, my problem was I didn't think. It was about 25 minutes in my normal commute from C-Town to B-Ville, that I began to mentally daze off into what I guess you could say a day-dream. All I remember was suddenly walking up still driving and wondering if I was still on highway 36. The drive to B-Ville requires only two turns, and I worried that either I had forgotten to make the turns or made the wrong turn out of negligence. It was a weird moment. I typically have these moments, but when they happen it really feels weird. It's more than just day-dreaming. It's like I transcended into space and time. No, space, not time. Wait, I don't know what I'm saying (I Heart Huckabees). (I'm working on my citation). And so I figured a little caffeine wouldn't kill me today. Well, I didn't eat anything, which is stupid and I'll just live with the consequence of my action. It sucks, but oh well...

I took the Regents Reading test yesterday, and I'm having mixed feelings about it. After taking it, I felt pretty good, but I woke up in the middle of the night, (for also another reason, which I'll get to in a moment) worrying that I failed it. For some reason I really don't care. I don't do well on timed tests, especially when I'm required to read and apprehend information to apply to questions. "What does the author intend?", "How should this sentence begin", "What does this word mean?", and "How does the author feel about this issue?" were typically asked for each passage. I also hate answering questions like these. If I were making this test, I'd make questions like: "How would you rate this?", "Do you think we got someone from Gordon College to write this?", "How many minutes do you think are left?", and "Did the passage intentionally try to use too many big words and come off glib?.... Did I mention if they came off glib?" That seems to me a test that not only Gordon College student would enjoy, but make them really think hard about what their life will become. I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm just trying not to think about failing the test.

The other reason why I woke up sweating was because of a nightmare that occurred in the middle of the night. I was in a subway-way like atmosphere (the transportation venue, not the restaurant) and everything was really gritty looking with a lot of dark colors. Well, I and some other person, who I could not make out were running from something. The both of us made it to the subway, ran through one car and into another parallel from the first. The doors closed and I felt very safe, until a second later when a horrendous clown face suddenly came across the glass. It was scarier than Heath Ledger's joker. I mean, this scared the fuck out of me!!! And it stayed there, so I could not escape it. Everywhere I turned, I saw that face. I woke up and had to look around to make sure it wasn't there.

I'm also debating whether to attend my water basketball class today. Tonight, I have a reservation at the Cox Capitol Theatre for dinner and a movie. The selected film is my all-time favorite movie of all-time. I know I was repetitive, but it's okay, because I'm going to see "Psycho" on the big screen! When I was young, my grandfather would tell me stories of seeing the movie in 1960, when it was required for EVERYONE to see the film from the beginning. NO ONE was aloud to come into the theatre late. Below are a few pictures of the lobby cards, which were placed all throughout and in front of the theaters. I've told this story to just about everyone, but every time I tell it I get really excited. Back in the 60's, smoking was allowed inside the theaters, and Grandaddy went to see it with his sister, Earline, and he said that after the shower scene, she was so scared, every attempt to strike a match failed, because she was constantly shaking from the horror. I don't know why I have such an attraction to this film. Every time I make a list of favorite movies, it is always first to go on as my number one favorite. And then when I try and describe what I love about it, I fall short of words. It's really one of those experiences that really only can be described by watching it.

Amy and I are going out on Halloween to do something. It has not been decided on, because there are many things to choose from. I kinda just want to do an old fashion graveyard body dig-up, but we can't have everything we want.

Oh, and tomorrow is the annual One Act competition. I'll be working and hopefully running lights. If he has already given that job to "you know who" I will be extremely upset. I love lighting and to be able to bring that channel up and down would give me such pleasure. Yes, I'm still talking about lighting.

Anyways, the writing center is about to close and I need to finally decide whether to go to class or not. Yeah, I've decided to go to class after all. There are so many times that I just spend too much time thinking. Whether it be where to eat, what movie to see, I need to stop thinking, and start drinking (Lucky Louie). God, I love citations (Will Lewis).

I'm currently rubbing my hands together in hopes to get warm. It's rough being at Dad and
Lynn's house, because they keep it so cold. The temperature outside is freezing and it makes the temperature inside more unbearable.

Upon walking outside today, it came to me that if wind blows a chilling 40 degrees at 20 mph it takes 0.5 seconds for reality to seem meaningless. It sounds right if you say it fast and with confidence. Then again if you say anything fast and with confidence, least one person is bound to believe you.


I'm now getting ready for bed. Really tired tonight.

Brrrrrrr Morning...

Oh my God, it is so fucking cold outside! My poor little nose is freezing cold and drippy. I'm like a cute little kitty, but one that is not covered in fur, because if I had fur, I wouldn't be so cold.

This past Tuesday, I came to school early to be a judge in the academic competition for theatre. There were probably 20 or so people who auditioned with monologues. Some were really good, some not so, and mainly due to nervousness. That's something I cannot judge them on, because I myself suffer from fright when it comes to performing in front of a crowd. It's something I have to gradually build up, and yet even if I think I'm comfortable, I'm not. These high school students did well for having knowledge on "drama." I was always told that you learn "drama" in high school and "theatre" in college. It makes sense in more than one way. I felt weird being a judge, so I treated it like a performance. I hate when judges appear intimidating, especially when I'm auditioning for a play. Dan has this trait of coming off "intimidating" during auditions. I remember he hardly ever cracked a smile, and always tried keeping a straight business attitude when it came to auditions. Well, I didn't want to come off as intimidating, so I tried relaxing my posture to give the auditioner a sense of comfort in me. I smiled a lot just to not implement fear, and occasionally broke eye contact hopes to ease tension, and so I could listen to their voice so I could judge the clarity of their diction, and variation of tone with emphasis. It's on the judging rubric. I wasn't clever enough to come up with that on my own. I always like seeing people act. It's a real psychological experience for them and myself. At the beginning of the semester, I wanted to get some actors together and experiment via improvisation and use the actors' strengths and weaknesses to build a structured scene. This, of course were theories from John Cassavetes. He said that an actor should use what makes them happy, sad, frightened, angry, dull, ect. and project it through the character in a way where they must confront it. This theory runs into many troubles, because it crosses into a mixed field of improvisation and method acting. I always have been against the practice of method acting, but in this case, it's being used in a completely different context. For the stage and screen, method acting is primarily used to enthrall an audience. Everything from preparation for a role to actually doing something on stage or screen qualifies for such. The problem is that it's used for entertainment purposes only. When Dustin Hoffman ran miles and miles everyday to prepare for "The Marathon Man," he did so to give a physical look of exhaustion to better the effect of appearance. The director said, "Okay, that's good, now come back tomorrow looking them same way, but without preparing." But Cassavetes used this as a means to improve the actor and the character. By confronting real-life emotions through a character, and actor must put her/himself in a difficult situation, where she/he will come across real-life obstacles that can help in reality (or potentially hurt) . But it's through this experimentation that if an actor can surpass their own emotions, then she/he can get past any character. Cassavetes said it's always better to look inside yourself than outside. The physical traits only make up a small portion when it comes to characterization. The real inner core holds the foundation for what your character will do, think, say need. Man, I want to improvise with actors. Oh well... The truth is I can, but I choose not to. Just like Kaleidoscope. Oh well, I'm not going to cry over spilled dreams.

Well, back to the academic competition. I came to school early this morning to judge, yet again another slew of students, but I cannot seem to find Tony anywhere. I wasn't going to sleep late anyways, so I cannot use the fact that I could be sleeping now. Instead, I figure I could blog in my newly spared time. I really want some coffee, but I haven't eaten anything yet, so I'll feel goozy all day if I do.

And finally, today I'm supposed to be in court at 3:00. I'm nervous like I always am when I'm summoned by law to go somewhere. But, I figure it could be worse: I could have not finished my court-issued requirements. No, the next fear I have is that something will go wrong and I'll have to pay a "decreased fine." As if I served the duty, but still have to pay a little since I have a past of speeding. My hope is that my past won't be brought up in court. I just want to go up there, have the judge ask if I have completed everything, the TLC coordinator will say, "Yes, your honor. Will Lewis has completed everything required for Module 3," and then the judge will dismiss the case. I don't know why I'm worried. I guess because I always worry.

And so now I'm just waiting for my Health class to begin. I'm really not looking forward to this class, probably because I never look forward to this class. I have skipped many many times and really don't care. I feel like turning into one of those students who only show up for the test.

Well, I'm off to class.

I thought maybe two posts in one day would make up for the lack of motivation to write in my blog. Also, Dr. Schmude unbelievably let our Astronomy class our early, which is something he NEVER does. This incident has instilled happiness in me and motivated me to yet post another blog post. Below, I have included three pictures from "Amy's Awesome Birthday Weekend." The first, of course, is of Amy, the second is me, and the last one is of the walkway to heaven (Just kidding, but if heaven does exist, it will be in the form of a gigantic mountain, but without children. Children go to hell anyways. The only negative thing about life is that you must make it above adolescence in order to get into heaven. Come on, we can't have noisy kids running around and yelling. That itself is hell. No pun intended.

I have two Netflix movies at home and an episode of True Blood I missed. The temptation of going to Dad and Lynn's house to play The Godfather is quickly rising, but I'm more in the mood to get something really good to eat and kick back to watch a movie or TV show.

Tomorrow is somewhat my relax day. Thursday, I must come to school early to judge the theatre academic competition, then health class, then it's off to court.

Amy is about to close up the Writing Center, so I'd better call it quits before she locks me in here. I know she will. She looks like she's ready to go home. And looks like she'd working a lot. Maybe she needs a good night to rest. A night filled with Twix and Red Bull. I never really liked Red Bull until recently. And a good movie. And on that note. I leave.

It's been a while since my last post (as usual), but I'm back! Let's see what has happened so far... Amy gracefully turned 21 years old. I built her a windmill from scratch and no plans to build from. Building the windmill really made me happy. I always listen for presents that Amy wants and try to be discreet about it, and then when I'm away from her, I get to work either buying or building. It brings me so much joy seeing her happy. I really cannot say how much. The windmill made her cry and seeing her eyes water up really made me feel like I did a good job. She makes me so happy, and I want to try so hard to reciprocate the love she shows me. I know that she harbors ambitions to travel and do other things, and I've really come to realize that her being happy is the world to me.

In other news, I have been accepted to the Georgia State University Film Department. I'm completely ecstatic about this. Really, upon applying, the thought of acceptance never entered my mind, and once I received the acceptance letter, I literally couldn't believe it, but once the thought of belonging to a film department finally dawned on me, I felt, like I said before, ecstatic! This weekend, I'm planning on going to the campus and walk around. Lynn's parapro has a son who goes to "JOAJA STEAK," and has a place on Moreland Ave., which is conveniently located near campus and goes right into Little 5, where Accapello Books is located. I'm really looking forward to this. I think I'm going to now see what classes they have to offer.

In news that shows I have no life, I am addicted to The Godfather the video game on Wii. I can't help but turn down offers to extort businesses, pay racketeers, bribe cops, and accept missions to kill people. So far, I have been promoted by "The Family" to Soldier status. That means, in Mafia terms, there is no other power above "The Family," and I am in this for life. I have $169,000, any car I feel like taking, all the guns and weapons I need and a really nice tux that cost $10,000. I can also summon "The Family" anytime I find myself brawling with the other rival families. If only life were like a video game. If so, then I'd be dead, arrested, insane, but also rich.

That's it for now. I promise to update more though!

It seems to me the more I watch Dexter, the more I feel I'm becoming a killer. Maybe psychologists were right when they declared sometimes a person watching something violent is possible to take on certain tendencies. I didn't hit anyone with my car this past weekend, but it doesn't say I don't want to. Today has just felt really blah. It gets to a point where I cannot even describe how I'm feeling. I tossed and turned in the night, so I didn't get much sleep. Maybe that's it. I thought about getting coffee from Starbucks this morning, but then I'd have the caffeine rush on top of this, and then yes, I probably would have killed someone today.

On the way to school I listened to two other Le Tigre CD's. Both fail to capture the raw excitement from their self-titled album. These other two CD's are too "butchy militant lesbianish." Their self-titled album is so good, but they ruined these other two by either talking about picking up girls or having the girls pick them up. They do have one song about peace in the world. It's nice, but music has proven not to bring peace, but war. Ask Tupac and Biggie. Ask the Dixie Chicks and Tobie Keith. Ask the PMRC and John Denver. "Butchy militant lesbian rock" = Milk (the movie not the drink). I guess maybe it's just not my type of music. It's like whiny queer emo folk bands. Gayyyyyyeh!

My schedule hasn't been really busy compared to last week, but I still feel like I'm moving really fast and cannot stop. Everything is either passing me by or has already passed me by. Therefore everything else must be moving just as fast, if not faster. The truth is I'm lazy. It's just that.

I'm hoping that I can take a lot of this out in my water basketball class. I told my boys Kevin and Kyle that I'm going to be rough in class today, so they hope to get on my team. I really want to play the bad guy today in class and get several fouls called on me. Maybe it will make me feel better. Or maybe it will make me feel like an asshole. Oh well, I don't care.

FUUUUUUUUCK, I swear this day will never end......... Today I didn't put on my name tag in the Writing Center, and no one even noticed. Score for me.

Gosh, there's all this work to do. Work, work, work. It never stops.

I want to plan on shooting my short this weekend.

Oh no, I have been summoned over to a tutor sessions. Be right back...

Okay, I'm back. What are the odds that after bitching in here about tutoring, that I'd have a session? Very likely as I highly believe in karma. I really don't but if I admit that, then karma will kick my ass. But the session wasn't bad at all. In fact, it somewhat makes me feel bad for bitching earlier.

Back to the short. I have decided that I will be shooting a short in the next few weeks, and if it works, then I'll give Kaleidoscope a try, and if not, then hell, I'll give Kaleidoscope a try anyways. It's a matter of getting everything organized. Yeah, next time I hear someone say, "Oh, the director really doesn't do much," I'm going to set them on fire. I worry that my script just isn't any good. I feel like it lacks something (yeah, it's not shot yet). Maybe I just need to relax and when it comes time to shoot, maybe it will feel a little more completed. And who knows, I might have more ideas when I start shooting. See, this is where it gets fun!

Well, that's it for now. Time to close up the Writing Center and get ready for Water Basketball. It's going to be crrrraazy! Bring on the fouls baby!

I'm currently in the Writing Center waiting for people to come in and ask for help. It's kind of boring, but I blame myself for not having anything to do. "All in the Timing" closed yesterday and I awoke to an annoying message on my phone telling me to get to the theatre as soon as possible. It turns out Tony received a memo this morning from Dr. Wallace asking for the stage to be cleared and cleaned for a recital tonight. So, we had to strike the set in a couple of hours this monring. It was rough, my body is completely soar and I don't really feel like doing much at all. I'm here waiting to tutor, and then its off to Water Basketball, where I shall wear myself out even more and then get to go home and relax. I cannot wait for that moment to come.

I need to make an appointment with that back doctor. Now that I have time on my hands, I'm not going to know what to do. On my way home yesterday, I really worked up the courage to make a short again. Filming "All in the Timing" brought me back into a filming mode. Not to mention, some of the actors on stage can really play well with a close up from the camera. I've been messing around with a bunch of ideas like always. I'm still keeping Kaleidoscope on the table. It seems possible to get shot by shot every other day or week. That would give the actors time to familiarize themselves with the lines. It's been a while since my last revision to the script, so I might do that in order to refrain from bordom.

In cinema news, I watched Douglas Sirk's "Written on the Wind" and thought it was fantastic! Sirk knows how to tell a story with a camera!

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD TRAILER!!!

I have broken out of my sadness shell thanks to the trailer for Sam Mendes' new film "Revolutionary Road." I've been watching so much Cassavetes the past few weeks that seeing the same thing but different really gives me a thrill. This film, which was offered to Todd Field for direction, was turned down so he could make "Little Children." What we have from Mendes' is a piece of work with the same caliber of acting, camera style, set design, and realistic emotional struggle. I don't want to compare the two films anymore, because A) I haven't seen this yet, and B) I want to go and watch the trailer again. I know it's too early to hope for a best picture, but compred to the shit I've had to sit through this year (excluding the Dark Knight) this really gets me pumped and proud to go to the movies!

PS: I had to search hard for a trailer link to the film, because Paramount and Dreamworks have people deleting them off of Youtube. I found this bad boy on a Japanese Youtube clone called "RuTube." Enjoy! I know I will again!

John Cassavetes' Opening Night is tonight, but mine is tomorrow...

Today was a shitty day, but now that I'm home with my laptop and movies, I think I'm settled. I won't go into the specifics regarding my day, but it was a domino effect where everything piled onto the next creating more tension. Most of it exists in my neck since I twisted it again yesterday during rehearsal. I've just decided to ignore pain and move on... at least until after HELL WEEK!

I get really nervous when a performance nears. Most people handle it okay, but I'm somewhat terrified. There's something incredibly frighteningly reckless about going out in front of many people and perform. I think about the actor I am off the stage and it scares me. Everyone acts differently when they off their "stage." You get to a point where acting interferes with living. But I guess it's something no one can control. I have been really stressed out lately and try to hide it. Some of the time it slips out, but most of the time I hide it in, which is really bad for me, but I don't know what else to do.

I love real-life struggles in people. Maybe it's about seeing something and thinking, "yeah, I can see that happening" that really makes a great struggle. I came home and found this clip from John Cassavetes' "Opening Night" and love it a lot. It's a great scene with Cassavetes' usual Ben Gazarra and Zohra Lampert caught in a struggle with their marriage. It's such a great scene that shows how some people really have layers upon layers of feelings. Whether they're feelings of remorse, selfishness, love or loneliness, they're overall still feelings. The two actors do a great job conveying a sense of realism with their emotions. In difficult situations sometimes people can be so confused that laughter can bring them back to reality, but sometimes getting back to a harsh reality is troubling. Just watch the clip. It's great. What's your take on Cassavetes? Hah.

I need to write here more often.

I'll just leave it at that. No defense.

Yesterday, I found out that Mom is planning on moving to Washington DC, because Jan's new contract makes it where she cannot be at home the length of time she wants. I don't want to sound mean, but it feels typical for Mom to just pack up and leave. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but it just seems typical. And this is what she told Dad, "I don't know what to do with Drew." What to do with Drew? That sounds kind of insulting. By the way, Drew thinks he's old enough to live on his own with his friends. I'm in favor of him doing what he wants to do, but it just seems like he's more easily capable of getting into deeper trouble if he's on his own with his friends. So, the talk is whether Drew should move to DC or in with Dad. Once again, mom proposes dad taking Drew, but may later take it back. The truth is, no matter how scary it is, Drew is old enough to do what he wants to do. The problem is I don't know if Drew knows what he wants. I make my observation based on the fact Drew doesn't know what he wants. It's just all fucked up. It stresses me out knowing that it's stressing him out. He's coming up here this weekend, so maybe we'll have a chance to bond again.

On the subject of stress, I really feel a lot of that now. Everything from getting my court activities finished to being well prepared for my Computer Science test on Monday and Health test on Tuesday, all the way to "All in the Timing" premiering next Wednesday. It's hard to relax. I'm still having trouble sleeping at nights. I feel like shit and can't think straight. Good thing Starbucks opens in six hours. I have a big feeling that I will be needed caffeine tomorrow. And hopefully the crash will come when I'm forced to attend "Les Miserables" at the Fox. I shouldn't gripe, because Dad has spend practically 100 bucks a ticket, and don't you know Lynn reminds me that every chance she can get.

Work in the shop is rough. It all started earlier this week when Jenna, a fellow theatre student approached and informed me that we'll be lighting the show the following day. This upset me, because lighting is one of my favorite things to do and Tony had not mentioned a word to me about lighting yet. When she told me this it made me kind of upset, because she's not the shop assistant anymore, I am. And this morning it occurred to me that I had to attend a class in Atlanta, therefore would be forced to miss work. After sitting in three rush-hour jams, I went to rehearsal to find out that they worked on lighting today. Not only did I have to witness fresh Source 4's and Pars hanging on first electric, but I was reminded by Jenna of what they did. She said, "We worked on lighting today. Isn't that awesome?" I literally had to grind my teeth from blowing up. From this and the fact she was giving strict notes as Stage Manager. And the fact that I cannot get over the self-censorship of the play. It's incredibly unprofessional for an actor to say "damn" compared to "goddamn", or "screw" instead of "fuck." Many will agree that it's not only not funny, but it sounds incredibly elementary. People are fucking stupid. Also, there's this new kid named Andrew, who thinks he's all that. And yes, he fits in with this group perfectly, but I cannot get over the fact how much this guy loves himself. And there are things he's adding to Phillip Glass that just make it awful. Well, I guess I'll let everyone judge it for themselves next week.

I'm just in a real bad mood. I hate being stressed out and I need a cure. Perhaps the cinema of Douglas Sirk can mend my cognitive bruises. It's worth a try.

I lost my USB drive sometime last Friday. I have tried staying positive this weekend, but this morning I woke up and have it down to two last ideas. Well, first, yesterday I drove like a bat out of hell all the way down to Barnesville in search of it. I arrived at the theatre to find it looking more decorated. And the table sitting in stage center was missing. That was where I guessed my USB would be. So, I came home and emailed Dr. Janssen asking if he found one in the writing lab. He said no, but to send out one of those lame group emails to everyone in the writing center. Actually it's not so lame, because to me, the concerns of finding my missing important USB far pass those of picking out names or sending jokes, therefore, I don't feel weird about it anymore. But first, I want to go back to suggestion one in the shop. I think after I texted Tony on Saturday, he went over to do a little work later and found it. I can only hope so. I'm going in early to school first thing to check with him. Although, if I found it, I think he'd text me back. Shit. If he did find it, I will praise him. Same goes for anyone who hopefully picked it up in the writing center. I would officially stop calling them all by my chosen stereotyped names and communicate with them by their real name, or even stupid one's they pick.

Anyways, this morning is hectic thinking about my USB drive. It shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. This shows my complete lack of responsibility. What if you replaced baby with every time I used the word USB in the above paragraph. What if baby means Unidentified Sitting Baby? The drive is just as important as a baby to me at this point in life. What if someone aborted my USB? If someone in the writing lab found it and erased everything, I will go pro-life. And I can make arguments like, "Who would erase a masterpiece halfway through its proofreading process." Yes, I was referring to a baby that time and not my script Hahahaha (laughs like Steve Coogen). Anyways, I'd better get ready for school and to face the truth. I might need to stop at Starbucks in order to prepare with a nice cup of......? I need a new drink to get me through to day. I do LOVE Red Rooster's frozen hot chocolate drink. It's SOOOOOOOO good. But missing the essential ingredient to get through the day - caffeine! I need a new drink from Starbucks.

This was a VERY interesting weekend!

FRIDAY: Work canceled, came home and ate a really great meal. Worked a little of my screenplay and then when I got in bed, I saw that Bill Maher was new! I watched and laughed really hard.

SATURDAY: Worked only 3 1/2 hours of community service and was signed off for working all 8 hours. Came home, relaxed, and worked on the script. Amy called and we ate lunch at Italian Oven. I had a stromboli, ate most of the bread and two twix bars at the movie. We saw Hamlet 2 and literally died laughing. One of the best comedies I have ever seen. I think it's Flirting with Disaster good. Went to Books-A-Million and developed a new taste for GOOD graphic novels. Wikipeida says that the difference between graphic novels and comic books are that graphic novels have "lengthy and complex storylines similar to novels and often are aimed for MATURE AUDIENCES." Another words, graphic novels are comic books with profanity, violence, and sex. How come I'm just not getting into this?

SUNDAY: Woke up and worked on my script some more. Ate breatfast with Ma at IHOP. There, I developed an acuired tase for black coffee. Don't ask me why. I came home and worked on the scipt again until it was dark outside, then watched John Cassavetes' "Opening Night" for the second time. After that, I worked on the script again until I became tired. Developed a bad neckache earlier on and it went on throughout the night even with a scolding hot bath and relaxing on a heating pad. Watched "The Mummy" as I went to bed. Couldn't sleep, because I was laughing at The Mummy.

MONDAY: Woke up, drank a glass of sweet tea and worked on the script. Watched an episode of Dexter and went back to working on the script. Neck still hurt, so I decided to ice it. Worked on my lines for the play and went right back to writing the script. And finally, I finished the script.

I think Four-Day Weekends should be made into a law. I seem to get so much done and manage to have a fucking awesome time. The neck is still hurting, but from the happiness brought on from the weekend, I feel pretty good. In one weekend, I have become a graphic novel reading, black coffee drinking, writer. It's like I'm not the same person anymore. Tonight I am unveiling the title of my freshly completed screenplay. It's 123 pages. If I made it into a film, it would have a two hour running time. That's really cool. I don't know howI wrote it this weekend, but I did. So, here it is:

I don't know when I'll be completely finished with it and ready for it to be read, but I will be doing a lot of proofreading this week. Thank God for my busy job in the writing lab. I'm actually proud of myself for writing it. I mean, I didn't think it was possible and yet I did it. Negative thinking is really bad. Everyone has it, but it's better to use negative attitude to fight negative attitude. I guess they cancel each other out and I'm left with only positive attitude. It sounds like The Secret. Oh well, time to go over my lines. I don't want to weekend to end! The weekend means "end of week," now I'm going through a weekendend. This never ends! Love it!

A lot has happened since school began again. I've discovered astrology, ran my legs out in water basketball and was hired to work two jobs. Along with my intelligent and girlfriend, we both were recommended as tutors for the writing lab. Not only that, but it became official and were awarded the positions. Now, according to our soon-to-be bright and intelligent co-workers, we're helping stupid people with bad papers. It's funny how the other workers hold a superiority over the "other students." I just want to get paid. Just kidding, I think. I want to say that I'm in it for the right reasons, but I'd only be partly lying to myself and this blog. If I was in it for the satisfaction of helping students "realize their own mistakes without telling them," I wouldn't care about a paycheck at all, but that's not the way life works. I'm actually hoping to take knowledge along with a paycheck. I'm just like a positive college professor. We'll see how this job progresses throughout the year. Along with that, I will also continue holding my position as the Technical Director's Assistant (or as I like to put it "Assistant to the Technical Director). Every job needs a proper heading. But really, I don't consider it a job. I always thought a job is something you're supposed to hate or something you spend all day Sunday dwelling the notion that tomorrow is when you "go to a job," but now it's exciting that I can go cut, drill, bolt, screw and sweat and get paid for that. And then there's the job I have in the shop. Haha. Just a little humor to go along with this. But then the fun does go away when the work becomes tedious and the cutting is off center, drilling is not deep enough, bolting is too tight, or the screws strip, then a new form of hate emerges. God I love school!

On another positive note, I have been casted in David Ives' absurd comedy "All in the Timing." The character I have been casted to portray is Leon Trotsky. Yes, I am thrilled to be in it! The first read-through is tomorrow and this weekend I have already dove into the script head first. I am experimenting with a few new ideas for character preparation. I want to create a process. I might even start a new blog and devote it to the process of character development. Come up with certain things I can do, think, wear to better suit my portrayal as the Russian revolutionary. So far, I have read the script continuously and am slowly getting the dialogue memorized. Today, I began researching Trotsky's life. He's really a fascinating person. He believed heavily in Marx's view on the economy and used it as an influence to develop his own phliosophy. Trotsky also heavily faught with Stalin. The two, while agreed on basic principle, disagreed once the inner core of understanding progressed. There's a lot that I do not understand. I know basic understanding of Socialism and Communism, but a lot of what Trotsky goes into is way above my head. Maybe I have to be Russian and a hard worker in order to sympathize. It all sounds really cool though. I love revolutionary ideals. The thought of going out there and fighting really shows thoughness. It's all about the little people and unionizing. I wonder if Trotsky would rather fight for starving factory workers or bitchy writers. I can think of one thing they all have in common: let's go to the men in charge and demand what we need or else. I love the or else, because you only can imagine what it is. Anyways, Trotsky's biography online is really long and I want to gradually learn who he is, but no try and become him on stage. I do have to remember that I am portaying him, not becoming hom. I'm somewhat juggling two acting philosophies. I'm trying to weigh an even balance of theory from Stainslavski, Brecht and basic modern acting. I'm now going with Stainslavski's observation theory, where you watch the person of immulation or person of inspiration and merely watch for certain traits that stand out that you could do in hopes of convincing an audience you are that person, BUT here I go again. Brecht makes it clear that you are only portraying a person, whereas taking on traits for preparation can lead to Lee Strasberg style of Method Acting (I hate method acting). My biggest concern is whether to portray the real life Trotsky or the David Ives image of Trotsky. While both might be the same, it's my job to find a line that symbolizes doing too much and make sure not to cross it. The piece is really funny, but towards the end it's quite tragic. I see the ending as very serious, however I'm worried that Ronda wants to go for all laughs. Being an absurd comedy, I think an understanding of the harsh reality is in order for use as a wakeup call to the audience. And the ending monologue, broken up into dialogued chunks really hits you hard with something to think about, and I love it! I really feel moved by the role. Anyways, I have managed to write a lot about this so farm so I'll stop for now and continue later.

This past weekend, I went white water rafting. It was a lot of fun! I love exhilerating feelings of experienceing nature in a thrilling way. As cliche as it sounds, it motivates me to go out and really live. Skiing is fun and rafting is fun, now I have to keep searching for more thrills. Below are some pictures taken near the campsite. I would have taken pictures in the raft, but my phone would be DEAD right now if I had. So below are a bunch of dam(n) pictures. Hehe. We had a lot of fun with dam(n) jokes. It was really scary looking down. We were REALLY far above the groung.

Who needs _______ when you have The Faint!

Who needs drugs when you have The Faint! Who needs alcohol when you have The Faint! Who needs reality when you have The Faint! These of course are questions, but I'm phrasing them as exclamations, because I would yell them out right now If I were witnessing another concert by this band. Every aspect of the performance went beyond my possible expectation. I had seen Youtube videos of their concerts, but being there with the bright strobes flashing rapidly and the heavy thuds in your heart from the bass really left me fully elated. I think one of the only ways to describe that night was in a hypnotic daze. There wasn't a single person there who wasn't either dancing or bouncing their feet to the beat. Their music moves you metaphorically and literally. I didn't believe in the Pied Piper until that night. I feel like I could do the unthinkable in that type of atmosphere. The more I try and describe it, the more I become enthralled with the memory of it and find myself drifting off. Anyways, here are a few pictures from the concert. The first few are not mine, but show a better quality compared to my camera.

I with that politics had little impact on my life, but truthfully when I watch something on the news I have to become emotional towards it. This excludes many things of course - I'm referring to only the things I care passionately about. Dad asked me what I thought about Russia invading Georgia and I told him that it's horrible that people are being bombed. And he followed it with asking me if we should go in and help. I responded once again, but this time telling him that I haven't researched into the matter entirely yet. I did mention that Bush telling Russia "no, no," with a wag of the finger is a little harsh. By heart, I'm a pacifist. I say that I could never get into a fight, but if someone hit my mother or girlfriend, I would handle the matter in a not-so peaceful route, which kinda defies my character, but what would you do? Anyways, I don't believe anyone should bomb period, but America really cannot talk. I mean, if we do interfere, the reasons behind it would be for making Bush look like he did something right before leaving office. I did read an article that suggests Bush has a conflict of interest, because he has a lot of money tied to the oil that's coming from the pipeline that's running under Georgia and that there are three places which the pipeline ends: the Caspian Sea, Iran and Turkey. It's all very interesting. I wish I knew my history a lot better. I'm hearing people saying this might escalate into another Cold War. My response: Well, it's not so cold outside.

On the Obama trail: more people still hate him for the color of his skin. You know, I think I've finally had it with these racist americans. I do not capitalize for the very reason I don't believe they are (A)mericans. I began thinking that I shouldn't let intolerant FOLKS get me down, but I sort of believe that it's not Obama that doesn't have the experience to rule America, it's America who doesn't have the experience to let a black man rule America. Many people tell me it's just the south acting this way, but in the long run, I think there are a lot more racist people covering up their unjustly and loathsome reasons with excuses like "he doesn't have enough experience." Here's a clip of Obama handling a bunch of heckler's in the crowd while trying to give a speech. I think he handles it decently:



Here's how George Carlin handled a heckler. I think Obama should do this if he continues having more hecklers:



In lieu of that, I think people should be more honest. This is what pisses me off: yes, you do have a right to protest, but take for instance the episode on Bill Maher, there's a place to do it and a place not to do it. I mean, protesting while Obama is giving a speech. I feel the same way about the protesters during McCain's speeches as well. This is just an opportunity for loudmouth people striving for attention, not the cause but themselves, to parade on television. Well, I'm all tapped out for the night. I think Carlin said it all.

Today Dad, Drew and myself ventured to Kennesaw today and I must say it was a delightful little trip. The three of us hardly ever have time alone, and today it happened (again, if you include the trip to Six Flags). Last week, we all watched Buster Keaton's silent classic "The General." This movie is great! The film is set during the Civil War and involves a stolen train called "The General." Buster Keaton directs and stars as a southern man trying to stop the train. The film was shot on location and Keaton did all of his stunts. This includes running after the train and standing on the front of it. Dad mentioned the actual General train is located in Kennesaw, so we planned to go and see it. Below is a picture of Buster Keaton in front of The General and me in front of The General. What can I say, I wanted to see how it felt.

Before returning home, Dad told us that we had to visit a little store. He also mentioned that upon entering the store, I couldn't say anything offensive. Well, here's a picture of the store:

And yes, the flag to the left is the Klu Klux Klan flag. The only reason dad wanted us to see it is because "everyone should see this." After visiting the store, I don't think everyone should see this. Wild Mans is owned by a large southerner who has a long beard, kind of like the members of Lynard Skynard or ZZ Top. The store had a bad odor of what dad thought was mold and I thought was racial ignorance. The typical "Obama-Nation" signs really didn't bother me as much, but the one that said, "Where are you Sherman now that we need you?" My jaw literally dropped at the sigh of this sign. There were Lester Maddox political signs all over the place. Dad told us Maddox was a former governor of Georgia who later owned a restaurant and once the civil rights took affect, he continued to "turn blacks away." In fact, there was an incident where a few African Americans refused to leave, so Maddox walks to the back of his place, brings out an ax handle and threatened to beat them if they didn't leave. After that event, many people flocked to this restaurant to get ax handles autographed by the bigot. This is from the guy who has said integrating schools was "ungodly, un-Christain, and un-American." I worried that my car would get beat up if citizens saw my bumper stickers. According to an article in the New York Times (celebrating his death), once Maddox was elected to office, he mentioned that God was his campaign manager. After winning the election, Martin Luther King said, "I'm now ashamed to be a Georgian."

Going to the store was actually good for me. Seeing all of this really opened my eyes even further to how much hated really truly still exists today. Saying that Sherman should come back and burn Atlanta again is pushing the line back too far. I had planned on not talking about politics, but what gets me is how "diversified" America claims to be, however the thought of a half-black president is too much for many southerners. Like Martin Luther King Jr. hearing animosity towards a presidential candidate they refuse to research on because the color of his skin makes me too ashamed to be a Georgian. I had a good long talk with Dad on this subject. There's just too much utter stupidity still thriving in the south. I can't tell you how many times I've been criticizing capitalism and I receive this response: "Well, if you don't like it, leave!" I am now saying if you think Obama shouldn't be elected president because he's black, realize that everyone in American supposedly has equal rights, and if you don't like it, LEAVE!"