I should have known better...

than to have drank that latte this morning. Recently, caffeine has been my evil nemesis and so I've tried eliminating it completely, although it's hard. Really hard. So, I figured that maybe it would ease the rush by switching from straight brew to lattes, in hopes the steamed milk would simmer the rush, but I didn't take in account for the shots of espresso. This morning, my problem was I didn't think. It was about 25 minutes in my normal commute from C-Town to B-Ville, that I began to mentally daze off into what I guess you could say a day-dream. All I remember was suddenly walking up still driving and wondering if I was still on highway 36. The drive to B-Ville requires only two turns, and I worried that either I had forgotten to make the turns or made the wrong turn out of negligence. It was a weird moment. I typically have these moments, but when they happen it really feels weird. It's more than just day-dreaming. It's like I transcended into space and time. No, space, not time. Wait, I don't know what I'm saying (I Heart Huckabees). (I'm working on my citation). And so I figured a little caffeine wouldn't kill me today. Well, I didn't eat anything, which is stupid and I'll just live with the consequence of my action. It sucks, but oh well...

I took the Regents Reading test yesterday, and I'm having mixed feelings about it. After taking it, I felt pretty good, but I woke up in the middle of the night, (for also another reason, which I'll get to in a moment) worrying that I failed it. For some reason I really don't care. I don't do well on timed tests, especially when I'm required to read and apprehend information to apply to questions. "What does the author intend?", "How should this sentence begin", "What does this word mean?", and "How does the author feel about this issue?" were typically asked for each passage. I also hate answering questions like these. If I were making this test, I'd make questions like: "How would you rate this?", "Do you think we got someone from Gordon College to write this?", "How many minutes do you think are left?", and "Did the passage intentionally try to use too many big words and come off glib?.... Did I mention if they came off glib?" That seems to me a test that not only Gordon College student would enjoy, but make them really think hard about what their life will become. I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm just trying not to think about failing the test.

The other reason why I woke up sweating was because of a nightmare that occurred in the middle of the night. I was in a subway-way like atmosphere (the transportation venue, not the restaurant) and everything was really gritty looking with a lot of dark colors. Well, I and some other person, who I could not make out were running from something. The both of us made it to the subway, ran through one car and into another parallel from the first. The doors closed and I felt very safe, until a second later when a horrendous clown face suddenly came across the glass. It was scarier than Heath Ledger's joker. I mean, this scared the fuck out of me!!! And it stayed there, so I could not escape it. Everywhere I turned, I saw that face. I woke up and had to look around to make sure it wasn't there.

I'm also debating whether to attend my water basketball class today. Tonight, I have a reservation at the Cox Capitol Theatre for dinner and a movie. The selected film is my all-time favorite movie of all-time. I know I was repetitive, but it's okay, because I'm going to see "Psycho" on the big screen! When I was young, my grandfather would tell me stories of seeing the movie in 1960, when it was required for EVERYONE to see the film from the beginning. NO ONE was aloud to come into the theatre late. Below are a few pictures of the lobby cards, which were placed all throughout and in front of the theaters. I've told this story to just about everyone, but every time I tell it I get really excited. Back in the 60's, smoking was allowed inside the theaters, and Grandaddy went to see it with his sister, Earline, and he said that after the shower scene, she was so scared, every attempt to strike a match failed, because she was constantly shaking from the horror. I don't know why I have such an attraction to this film. Every time I make a list of favorite movies, it is always first to go on as my number one favorite. And then when I try and describe what I love about it, I fall short of words. It's really one of those experiences that really only can be described by watching it.

Amy and I are going out on Halloween to do something. It has not been decided on, because there are many things to choose from. I kinda just want to do an old fashion graveyard body dig-up, but we can't have everything we want.

Oh, and tomorrow is the annual One Act competition. I'll be working and hopefully running lights. If he has already given that job to "you know who" I will be extremely upset. I love lighting and to be able to bring that channel up and down would give me such pleasure. Yes, I'm still talking about lighting.

Anyways, the writing center is about to close and I need to finally decide whether to go to class or not. Yeah, I've decided to go to class after all. There are so many times that I just spend too much time thinking. Whether it be where to eat, what movie to see, I need to stop thinking, and start drinking (Lucky Louie). God, I love citations (Will Lewis).

I'm currently rubbing my hands together in hopes to get warm. It's rough being at Dad and
Lynn's house, because they keep it so cold. The temperature outside is freezing and it makes the temperature inside more unbearable.

Upon walking outside today, it came to me that if wind blows a chilling 40 degrees at 20 mph it takes 0.5 seconds for reality to seem meaningless. It sounds right if you say it fast and with confidence. Then again if you say anything fast and with confidence, least one person is bound to believe you.


I'm now getting ready for bed. Really tired tonight.

Brrrrrrr Morning...

Oh my God, it is so fucking cold outside! My poor little nose is freezing cold and drippy. I'm like a cute little kitty, but one that is not covered in fur, because if I had fur, I wouldn't be so cold.

This past Tuesday, I came to school early to be a judge in the academic competition for theatre. There were probably 20 or so people who auditioned with monologues. Some were really good, some not so, and mainly due to nervousness. That's something I cannot judge them on, because I myself suffer from fright when it comes to performing in front of a crowd. It's something I have to gradually build up, and yet even if I think I'm comfortable, I'm not. These high school students did well for having knowledge on "drama." I was always told that you learn "drama" in high school and "theatre" in college. It makes sense in more than one way. I felt weird being a judge, so I treated it like a performance. I hate when judges appear intimidating, especially when I'm auditioning for a play. Dan has this trait of coming off "intimidating" during auditions. I remember he hardly ever cracked a smile, and always tried keeping a straight business attitude when it came to auditions. Well, I didn't want to come off as intimidating, so I tried relaxing my posture to give the auditioner a sense of comfort in me. I smiled a lot just to not implement fear, and occasionally broke eye contact hopes to ease tension, and so I could listen to their voice so I could judge the clarity of their diction, and variation of tone with emphasis. It's on the judging rubric. I wasn't clever enough to come up with that on my own. I always like seeing people act. It's a real psychological experience for them and myself. At the beginning of the semester, I wanted to get some actors together and experiment via improvisation and use the actors' strengths and weaknesses to build a structured scene. This, of course were theories from John Cassavetes. He said that an actor should use what makes them happy, sad, frightened, angry, dull, ect. and project it through the character in a way where they must confront it. This theory runs into many troubles, because it crosses into a mixed field of improvisation and method acting. I always have been against the practice of method acting, but in this case, it's being used in a completely different context. For the stage and screen, method acting is primarily used to enthrall an audience. Everything from preparation for a role to actually doing something on stage or screen qualifies for such. The problem is that it's used for entertainment purposes only. When Dustin Hoffman ran miles and miles everyday to prepare for "The Marathon Man," he did so to give a physical look of exhaustion to better the effect of appearance. The director said, "Okay, that's good, now come back tomorrow looking them same way, but without preparing." But Cassavetes used this as a means to improve the actor and the character. By confronting real-life emotions through a character, and actor must put her/himself in a difficult situation, where she/he will come across real-life obstacles that can help in reality (or potentially hurt) . But it's through this experimentation that if an actor can surpass their own emotions, then she/he can get past any character. Cassavetes said it's always better to look inside yourself than outside. The physical traits only make up a small portion when it comes to characterization. The real inner core holds the foundation for what your character will do, think, say need. Man, I want to improvise with actors. Oh well... The truth is I can, but I choose not to. Just like Kaleidoscope. Oh well, I'm not going to cry over spilled dreams.

Well, back to the academic competition. I came to school early this morning to judge, yet again another slew of students, but I cannot seem to find Tony anywhere. I wasn't going to sleep late anyways, so I cannot use the fact that I could be sleeping now. Instead, I figure I could blog in my newly spared time. I really want some coffee, but I haven't eaten anything yet, so I'll feel goozy all day if I do.

And finally, today I'm supposed to be in court at 3:00. I'm nervous like I always am when I'm summoned by law to go somewhere. But, I figure it could be worse: I could have not finished my court-issued requirements. No, the next fear I have is that something will go wrong and I'll have to pay a "decreased fine." As if I served the duty, but still have to pay a little since I have a past of speeding. My hope is that my past won't be brought up in court. I just want to go up there, have the judge ask if I have completed everything, the TLC coordinator will say, "Yes, your honor. Will Lewis has completed everything required for Module 3," and then the judge will dismiss the case. I don't know why I'm worried. I guess because I always worry.

And so now I'm just waiting for my Health class to begin. I'm really not looking forward to this class, probably because I never look forward to this class. I have skipped many many times and really don't care. I feel like turning into one of those students who only show up for the test.

Well, I'm off to class.

I thought maybe two posts in one day would make up for the lack of motivation to write in my blog. Also, Dr. Schmude unbelievably let our Astronomy class our early, which is something he NEVER does. This incident has instilled happiness in me and motivated me to yet post another blog post. Below, I have included three pictures from "Amy's Awesome Birthday Weekend." The first, of course, is of Amy, the second is me, and the last one is of the walkway to heaven (Just kidding, but if heaven does exist, it will be in the form of a gigantic mountain, but without children. Children go to hell anyways. The only negative thing about life is that you must make it above adolescence in order to get into heaven. Come on, we can't have noisy kids running around and yelling. That itself is hell. No pun intended.

I have two Netflix movies at home and an episode of True Blood I missed. The temptation of going to Dad and Lynn's house to play The Godfather is quickly rising, but I'm more in the mood to get something really good to eat and kick back to watch a movie or TV show.

Tomorrow is somewhat my relax day. Thursday, I must come to school early to judge the theatre academic competition, then health class, then it's off to court.

Amy is about to close up the Writing Center, so I'd better call it quits before she locks me in here. I know she will. She looks like she's ready to go home. And looks like she'd working a lot. Maybe she needs a good night to rest. A night filled with Twix and Red Bull. I never really liked Red Bull until recently. And a good movie. And on that note. I leave.

It's been a while since my last post (as usual), but I'm back! Let's see what has happened so far... Amy gracefully turned 21 years old. I built her a windmill from scratch and no plans to build from. Building the windmill really made me happy. I always listen for presents that Amy wants and try to be discreet about it, and then when I'm away from her, I get to work either buying or building. It brings me so much joy seeing her happy. I really cannot say how much. The windmill made her cry and seeing her eyes water up really made me feel like I did a good job. She makes me so happy, and I want to try so hard to reciprocate the love she shows me. I know that she harbors ambitions to travel and do other things, and I've really come to realize that her being happy is the world to me.

In other news, I have been accepted to the Georgia State University Film Department. I'm completely ecstatic about this. Really, upon applying, the thought of acceptance never entered my mind, and once I received the acceptance letter, I literally couldn't believe it, but once the thought of belonging to a film department finally dawned on me, I felt, like I said before, ecstatic! This weekend, I'm planning on going to the campus and walk around. Lynn's parapro has a son who goes to "JOAJA STEAK," and has a place on Moreland Ave., which is conveniently located near campus and goes right into Little 5, where Accapello Books is located. I'm really looking forward to this. I think I'm going to now see what classes they have to offer.

In news that shows I have no life, I am addicted to The Godfather the video game on Wii. I can't help but turn down offers to extort businesses, pay racketeers, bribe cops, and accept missions to kill people. So far, I have been promoted by "The Family" to Soldier status. That means, in Mafia terms, there is no other power above "The Family," and I am in this for life. I have $169,000, any car I feel like taking, all the guns and weapons I need and a really nice tux that cost $10,000. I can also summon "The Family" anytime I find myself brawling with the other rival families. If only life were like a video game. If so, then I'd be dead, arrested, insane, but also rich.

That's it for now. I promise to update more though!

It seems to me the more I watch Dexter, the more I feel I'm becoming a killer. Maybe psychologists were right when they declared sometimes a person watching something violent is possible to take on certain tendencies. I didn't hit anyone with my car this past weekend, but it doesn't say I don't want to. Today has just felt really blah. It gets to a point where I cannot even describe how I'm feeling. I tossed and turned in the night, so I didn't get much sleep. Maybe that's it. I thought about getting coffee from Starbucks this morning, but then I'd have the caffeine rush on top of this, and then yes, I probably would have killed someone today.

On the way to school I listened to two other Le Tigre CD's. Both fail to capture the raw excitement from their self-titled album. These other two CD's are too "butchy militant lesbianish." Their self-titled album is so good, but they ruined these other two by either talking about picking up girls or having the girls pick them up. They do have one song about peace in the world. It's nice, but music has proven not to bring peace, but war. Ask Tupac and Biggie. Ask the Dixie Chicks and Tobie Keith. Ask the PMRC and John Denver. "Butchy militant lesbian rock" = Milk (the movie not the drink). I guess maybe it's just not my type of music. It's like whiny queer emo folk bands. Gayyyyyyeh!

My schedule hasn't been really busy compared to last week, but I still feel like I'm moving really fast and cannot stop. Everything is either passing me by or has already passed me by. Therefore everything else must be moving just as fast, if not faster. The truth is I'm lazy. It's just that.

I'm hoping that I can take a lot of this out in my water basketball class. I told my boys Kevin and Kyle that I'm going to be rough in class today, so they hope to get on my team. I really want to play the bad guy today in class and get several fouls called on me. Maybe it will make me feel better. Or maybe it will make me feel like an asshole. Oh well, I don't care.

FUUUUUUUUCK, I swear this day will never end......... Today I didn't put on my name tag in the Writing Center, and no one even noticed. Score for me.

Gosh, there's all this work to do. Work, work, work. It never stops.

I want to plan on shooting my short this weekend.

Oh no, I have been summoned over to a tutor sessions. Be right back...

Okay, I'm back. What are the odds that after bitching in here about tutoring, that I'd have a session? Very likely as I highly believe in karma. I really don't but if I admit that, then karma will kick my ass. But the session wasn't bad at all. In fact, it somewhat makes me feel bad for bitching earlier.

Back to the short. I have decided that I will be shooting a short in the next few weeks, and if it works, then I'll give Kaleidoscope a try, and if not, then hell, I'll give Kaleidoscope a try anyways. It's a matter of getting everything organized. Yeah, next time I hear someone say, "Oh, the director really doesn't do much," I'm going to set them on fire. I worry that my script just isn't any good. I feel like it lacks something (yeah, it's not shot yet). Maybe I just need to relax and when it comes time to shoot, maybe it will feel a little more completed. And who knows, I might have more ideas when I start shooting. See, this is where it gets fun!

Well, that's it for now. Time to close up the Writing Center and get ready for Water Basketball. It's going to be crrrraazy! Bring on the fouls baby!