Brrrrrrr Morning...

Oh my God, it is so fucking cold outside! My poor little nose is freezing cold and drippy. I'm like a cute little kitty, but one that is not covered in fur, because if I had fur, I wouldn't be so cold.

This past Tuesday, I came to school early to be a judge in the academic competition for theatre. There were probably 20 or so people who auditioned with monologues. Some were really good, some not so, and mainly due to nervousness. That's something I cannot judge them on, because I myself suffer from fright when it comes to performing in front of a crowd. It's something I have to gradually build up, and yet even if I think I'm comfortable, I'm not. These high school students did well for having knowledge on "drama." I was always told that you learn "drama" in high school and "theatre" in college. It makes sense in more than one way. I felt weird being a judge, so I treated it like a performance. I hate when judges appear intimidating, especially when I'm auditioning for a play. Dan has this trait of coming off "intimidating" during auditions. I remember he hardly ever cracked a smile, and always tried keeping a straight business attitude when it came to auditions. Well, I didn't want to come off as intimidating, so I tried relaxing my posture to give the auditioner a sense of comfort in me. I smiled a lot just to not implement fear, and occasionally broke eye contact hopes to ease tension, and so I could listen to their voice so I could judge the clarity of their diction, and variation of tone with emphasis. It's on the judging rubric. I wasn't clever enough to come up with that on my own. I always like seeing people act. It's a real psychological experience for them and myself. At the beginning of the semester, I wanted to get some actors together and experiment via improvisation and use the actors' strengths and weaknesses to build a structured scene. This, of course were theories from John Cassavetes. He said that an actor should use what makes them happy, sad, frightened, angry, dull, ect. and project it through the character in a way where they must confront it. This theory runs into many troubles, because it crosses into a mixed field of improvisation and method acting. I always have been against the practice of method acting, but in this case, it's being used in a completely different context. For the stage and screen, method acting is primarily used to enthrall an audience. Everything from preparation for a role to actually doing something on stage or screen qualifies for such. The problem is that it's used for entertainment purposes only. When Dustin Hoffman ran miles and miles everyday to prepare for "The Marathon Man," he did so to give a physical look of exhaustion to better the effect of appearance. The director said, "Okay, that's good, now come back tomorrow looking them same way, but without preparing." But Cassavetes used this as a means to improve the actor and the character. By confronting real-life emotions through a character, and actor must put her/himself in a difficult situation, where she/he will come across real-life obstacles that can help in reality (or potentially hurt) . But it's through this experimentation that if an actor can surpass their own emotions, then she/he can get past any character. Cassavetes said it's always better to look inside yourself than outside. The physical traits only make up a small portion when it comes to characterization. The real inner core holds the foundation for what your character will do, think, say need. Man, I want to improvise with actors. Oh well... The truth is I can, but I choose not to. Just like Kaleidoscope. Oh well, I'm not going to cry over spilled dreams.

Well, back to the academic competition. I came to school early this morning to judge, yet again another slew of students, but I cannot seem to find Tony anywhere. I wasn't going to sleep late anyways, so I cannot use the fact that I could be sleeping now. Instead, I figure I could blog in my newly spared time. I really want some coffee, but I haven't eaten anything yet, so I'll feel goozy all day if I do.

And finally, today I'm supposed to be in court at 3:00. I'm nervous like I always am when I'm summoned by law to go somewhere. But, I figure it could be worse: I could have not finished my court-issued requirements. No, the next fear I have is that something will go wrong and I'll have to pay a "decreased fine." As if I served the duty, but still have to pay a little since I have a past of speeding. My hope is that my past won't be brought up in court. I just want to go up there, have the judge ask if I have completed everything, the TLC coordinator will say, "Yes, your honor. Will Lewis has completed everything required for Module 3," and then the judge will dismiss the case. I don't know why I'm worried. I guess because I always worry.

And so now I'm just waiting for my Health class to begin. I'm really not looking forward to this class, probably because I never look forward to this class. I have skipped many many times and really don't care. I feel like turning into one of those students who only show up for the test.

Well, I'm off to class.