First of all, this vacation is seeming like a long time. That should be a good thing, but I've gradually become used to everything. I've managed to fit inside the gaps of routine. What I thought was just taking a good few weeks of vacation has turned into living here for a while. That while has a good bit more to go as well. By the time I go to the Bahamas, I'm going to feel beat. The good part is that once I return, I don't have to go back to school straight away, since I put off the Summer semester to the Fall. But I'm missing McDonough, and I'm missing Amy and Ma and Fitz. Honestly, Amy went back at the perfect time. Vacation should be no longer than one week. Anything longer than that is a momentary stay. I think the importance of vacation has worn off. I've gotten to the point where I wake up and feel lazy. Most will claim that as a definition of vacation, but I want to get up and get going. Maybe it's just because I haven't done much that I have this necessity for something.

The main reason I'm writing again is because I've been pondering on something all day. This is when you know nothing occurs. I think the more I think, the more I slowly grow closer to insanity. Holding things in never is a good idea. At least that's what many tell me. There are some things that just have to get out. Anyways, a few days ago mom was talking about how liberal dad used to be. And the fact that when they lived at an old church in Brooks, GA, he did a funeral for a gentlemen who happened to have been gay, and the church demanded that dad should not do the funeral, but he went on and did it anyway. This is the guy who went to see REM and Boy George with my mom, and now is a right-wing, southerner who doesn't agree with gay marriage. I couldn't imagine such a shift in ideology. But then I go back and remember how depressed he was when mom left him. I wonder if literally her leaving him triggered an effect to change everything. Maybe the very thought of the person he was reminded himself of her, and he needed to get as far away from that as possible. It's sad that she left him for another women and thus "doesn't agree" with gay marriage. Of course, I'm focusing on dad, but mom didn't do anything wrong, according to her wants and desires. She happened to have favored something else, and it wasn't him. But just the torment dad must have gone through in thinking that he couldn't satisfy her just makes me really sad. That even probably has instilled paranoia in me for the rest of my life. But really in any case, if a child has to endure the pain and suffering of any parent, won't that child be in fear of going through the same thing? If a husband cheats on the wife, that child, female or male, will worry as far as infidelity is concerned regarding men. Of course I'm thinking about this too much, which comes out irrational, but sometimes I just cannot keep it in.

I'm going to work on my screenplay some more.